Tag Archives: Hopeless Autistic

The Sad Story of The Moore Center

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Originally posted March 18th, 2016

UPDATED: March 31st Typos, Typos and Typos, dammit!

It is typically against my policy on social media to discuss organizations or people by name unless there is notoriety factor and a strong case in favor to do so.

I want to discuss my first hand experiences with The Moore Center (previously known at the time as Moore Center Services, Incorporated) as a one time purpose and used as a historical record of my experiences for others to learn. The reflected accounts were from about 1995 to 2010. (More relevant accounts ranged from 2007 to ’10.) I can’t speak for them today because I do not know personally what is going on day to day as I have not been affiliated with them for years.

What I will say is I have sources who to this day who have had negative experiences or dealings with them. Simply put, The Moore Center is the largest area agency for Medicaid Waiver services for the state of New Hampshire, but acts as a charity organization instead.

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Why Men Love B!tches – Moi’s POV

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2023 Note: That book still sells copies 7 years later at the same B&N.

Warning: Bad Language used. Please read with discretion

There’s a book published called Why Men Love Bitches (or something like that.) I found the book a while back at my local Barnes & Noble, and skimmed through it. I took a picture of the cover but can’t seem to find it on my machine or server, but who cares! I don’t remember much of the context; but more on the general message. Or at least if I can remember that as well!

I want to say that I don’t want this site to be all about relationships, but on the same time that subject has been a difficulty that I’ve struggled and still puzzled if that it’s my autism or the world around me that I can’t understand. I know for sure I’ll take a hit for speaking my version of the truth at least in this post…

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How the Hopeless Autistic Began

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To sum it up in a paragraph: I had gotten a name of a genetic doctor at Dartmouth/Hitchcock Manchester. From winter to June there was back and forth in backoffice paperwork. After that cat and mouse game ended, we got a date to meet with the doctor on September 1st. Basically the genetics testing was too risky financially as my primary insurance through my mother denies at 13 years and older. The Managed Care Medicaid wouldn’t touch it unless it was denied by the primary insurance provider, and if Medicaid denied it it would’ve been a severe case of SOL. (The story of my life…everything is bleep out of luck!)

Well in the meantime, the doctor suggested a name of Dr. Jennifer McLaren in Lebanon. According to that doctor, she supposedly worked with adults. (I suspect she may work with them if they aged out as children like a grandfathered clause.) Well when I called them, they basically denied me and gave me the infamous advocacy organization, etc.

It was after this run-in with the broken adult special needs system is when I decided of I Can’t Take This Anymore! And this is how The Hopeless Autistic began. Thank you unforgiving “doctors”!

Ethics Schethics

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email screengrab

 

The reason why I don’t trust the National Alliance for Direct Support Professionals because their own damned speakers have to set boundaries for (excuse the air quotes) “students”! As shown in the screengrab the trainer from the July session clearly stated “Please contact me with any further questions related to direct support professionals, ethics and competencies.” Yeah because I’m going to ask “how’s your love life going?” This is a joke!

Also, this wasn’t intended to be a f—–g letter, nor should had the need to VIOLATE HIS OWN DSP CODE OF ETHICS by insulting MY intelligence!

My gawd and them hacks from Albany? Aren’t they a little ethically challenged?

I blame them for the desensitizing of the human race on that intellectual level.

The next two years will be interesting to see.

Letter to the Boston Bruins Organization

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I’ve written a letter and send it via parcel letter to my favorite hockey team, the Boston Bruins. The original letter is attached (with the actual text of the letter shown in alternate text.)

Header is the Clickford & Company letterhead and the company's logo feature on the bottom. Text: Boston Professional Hockey Association, Inc. D/b/a: the Boston Bruins 100 Legends Way, Boston, Massachusetts 02114 To Whom It May Concern: My name is Steven and I’m a resident of New Hampshire and wanting to reach out to my favorite hockey team, the Boston Bruins. I’ve been a fan of the team for more than a decade. I admire professional hockey, the strength and the job they do. I say this because I was never really an athletic person, something I don’t have first hand knowledge and I had no interest in sports till I was in my late teens. In my current situation I am a weak individual. I’m in a point of my life where I consider myself a “hopeless autistic.” I was born with an autistic disorder, and was non verbal in my younger years, had great years in elementary school not so much in middle and high school. I’ve had a family that has fallen apart over my early lifespan, I’ve lost a lot of friends being diverted to various school programs as a teenager and I was in a system where I did not have a luxury to have as much services and support unlike others much younger than I am. I finished school on my 21st birthday nearly 8 years ago suddenly loosing services, then had to wait nearly over a year and a half to receive adult services. Despite having a stronger support system, I’m still “limping” around in life. In southern New Hampshire, there is hardly any services for any adults on the autism spectrum disorder. Almost entirely the services are intended for children. Some individuals are suffering a multitude of difficulties and often the professionals, the experts and services are often too late to address the first generation who basically had nothing and the younger generation has everything. I’m almost turning a year before I hit thirty. I’ve gone nowhere in my twenties because the special needs support system is still broken to a certain extent. I try everything to contribute to society only to be trapped in a four wall glass enclosed telephone booth, possibly made out of granite material. I can’t seem to break the barrier. I’ve had such a rough year in 2015, that I’ve declared myself a “hopeless autistic” because I don’t see much hope.

I’ve admired the Bruins and especially in the 2011 Stanley Cup Championship season, I was lucky to photograph, the training session the previous summer, the preseason game of that year and the parade where Captain Zdeno Chara held the Cup – where I sensory overload of crowds, noise and hot/humid climates was put to the test that day the Cup came to Boston. I also wore on Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Championship one of my first shirts that I got of the Boston Bruins about 5 years before, I felt that was a lucky shirt and I have not worn it since the Bruins won Game 7. I’d love it to be autographed by the team. In anyway, I’m in a very difficult situation in my life. No other disease or disorder is so political or so divisive even stating I’m “hopeless” may offend my population or other parties. I’ve not been honest with what I want or need, and I feel it will kill me - literally if I keep things inside me, which is one of the reasons why I am reaching out to your organization. Thank you, Steven Ayotte Merrimack, NH February 2016 Cc: my website, https://hopelessautistic.wordpress.com And related social media platforms

Autism in Love: Review, part two

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This Post is All About Lenny and dedicated to him. His struggles deserves its own post. Warning, this may be a tear dripper.

The only single guy featured in this film was on the left coast. Lenny was introduced and closed out the film.  Throughout the documentary, what was very striking was how he appears to be overcompensating and trying so hard to be normal.

The first abnormal sign was he wanted to dress up on camera to decide otherwise. (Was he in a work or school program that demanded him to look fancy?) To be honest, I’d rather see him more of Lenny than someone of who he should be. Second he was very determined  for being the dominant person, that no female should be stronger or better than him. (Well if he had old fashioned people as his “supports”. Third was how should be in college, making a lot of money so he could take care of his lady. He even is in tuned to the trashy Caucasian ladies by stating to the cameraman at one point that African American ladies are “more independent” and was explaining “interracial relationships”. (You can add every non American woman into the mix as I’ve already discussed before.)

For people new to this site, this documentary aired on PBS in early January, following a 3 plus year project. You can see it here till April or go to iTunes, Google Play, etc and search for “Autism in Love”

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The Fear of Being Happy

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I don’t want to choose to be unhappy, but it’s much easier to be sad…

What does that mean?

Well, sadly our messed up American Special Education and Adult Services system as mentioned numerous of times, focuses on negatives so of such it’s easier to feel sad than being happy. There are things that make me happy, but I keep it my business. If I ever express any happiness, it can be subject to be questioned by authoritative figures like my mother, my case manager or other related people. And if they show doubt, then you know for sure that I should doubt myself.

Sorry to come off ableist, but I am such a puzzle piece. I don’t understand the reason why it’s so complicated to be “happy”…

Autism In Love: Review

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A documentary recently ran on PBS earlier this month of an independent documentary entitled Autism In Love. (Running on a host program called Independent Lens.) This project was in the works for at least a few years at least following on social media. After being let down of all the teases, I never followed up, till a recent post on a disability blog came to my attention.

After missing the original airing, I saw it Wednesday on my iPad by accessing it through PBS’ web site. (available through PBS till April 2016)

I have watched this three times since then to try to soak all the emotional, and very touching storylines.

Spoiler alert if you continue to read on.

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The Manipulation of the Human Race

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There is a such thing as an “evolution” – to a certain extent. Let me explain.

A human develops in each way, the brain and everything grows as the human grows in life. However, that’s not to say that someone can tinker with at least the brain, reprogram it and then basically the human being basically got hacked. What do I mean? I mean the human evolved from a fun loving boy to a scary monster that appears to be human.

Another way to look at this manipulation or evolution is the heart. The emotional sense. Medical Doctors will tell you that it’s better to break a bone than to sprain it, because it will heal easier than it being partially broken. When it comes to emotions, its like being electrocuted by lighting, if the odds were against you that one time, it will cause lifelong consequences. Think of your first love, a person of significant level break your heart, it’s like the heart was shocked. And when someone that you loved or cared for caused that much heartbreak (whether it’s a family member, a friend, romantic interest, teacher, etc.) it can cause lifelong damages. I wish I can say I beat those odds, but sadly I’ve been duped by many people on a significant level in my early life that caused damages that I cannot reverse.

They say first impressions matter, but I’ll tell you I’ve been a victim of 1,001 bad first impressions.

Sadly there are many childhood “doctors” who only focus on children. They don’t realize how much damage they are doing to the child when its outside of their scope. The experimental projects, the test programs or test ideas or just the shaming the person’s autism, and the gender stigma (more guys than gals with ASD) can cause severe lifelong effects that these “professionals” have no clue what their unintended consequences or inadvertent actions.

I am saying this because I am seeing more and more mixed static of the autism narrative and its only going to get worse. It’s becoming a very mad, mad world in the hopeless world of autism. And I fear this won’t improve anytime soon. It’s a slow hurricane that has yet to see the eye of a years long storm.

At this point, simple fixes with a hack doctor is not the solution for me. I’m in a desperate need of a massive repair, restoration and a rebuild of trust as my insides are falling and caving in because my stupid support infrastructure of nearly a decade ago did reckless damage. Would an autistic teacher get away from this? Most than likely no, they’d probably be in prison, but since everyone else was perfectly normal, and we were held hostage to sign off the IEPs, well they can get away of manipulation, psychological murder, breaking the heart, etc.