This post has since been updated
I find the “father figure” is becoming a dying breed. I think its even endangered at this point.
That’s pretty dangerous if you ask me.
As you already know I have been raised without my father for almost my entire life. As time has gone on, I’ve started to realize what the powerful role of a father is supposed to be.
Fathers are supposed to be reassuring to the mother, by not over protecting her son.
Fathers are supposed to be there for the hard times, and to reassure the family (or individuals) that things will be Ok. The father has to protect, (or even over) protect their daughter. Typically if a daughter isn’t raised by her father, the mother, wouldn’t be overprotecting her. The theories of early puberty and over maturity can attribute to the lack of a father in her life.
Fathers are supposed to have some level of authority as well.
Now I really feel that the times have gone so modern that the father has no role for his family. Fathers aren’t getting their hands dirty like changing diapers, (no pun intended) or getting down on the floor and building Lego with the son or attending a tea party in the daughter’s bedroom, or advocating for their children during budget season when their special needs children are going to fall into the cracks in coming months or years. This role has been a motherly monopoly and the fact that its all “motherly” (like excessive emotions) makes it even worse in my opinion.
The logic of the father being the bread winner is I think outdated. In recent years in the Great Recession Depression after 2008, most career causalities were the Midtown Big Banks, and mostly those were white collared and mostly a male workforce. And many of those were unemployed right in the midst of the what I call is the Great Depression. But we as a society still are sexist, because even if there is more working women, we still look down at them, and not look up to men in a different standard.
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Back a couple months ago, there was murder in New York City, 2 children died, I believe they were both 2 year olds, the cause I don’t know, because there has been a few to none follow up stories. The NYPD had questioned the various parties, and again I don’t know the details since. The parents of those two murdered children appeared to be executives and was raised by a nanny. The father recently gotten a job running the digital operations at the New Jersey based business channel, CNBC.
This job wasn’t a simple webmaster or building apps for the iPhone/iPad, but more of an executive commuting to various places and monitoring Excel spreadsheets, since this man came from Discovery Communications. I do not know anything about the mother. CNBC.com featured a 1 minute video memo on their website (see link above), after this horrific episode of crime, with the managing editor giving his condolences.
Since this has happened a couple months ago, I feel there should be a discussion about the right to have children of all classes. We typically think teenage girls to early twentysomething girls or ones that live on welfare to get bennies; but we never look at the higher class, net worth types (like this CNBC executive) and whether or not they should have the right to have children.
Don’t get me wrong, I live in America and we should have freedom to choose, but that comes with responsibilities! If you are a desperate 20 year old to someone who is climbing the corporate ladder, you need to think twice if you want to have children. Sorry, its my straight up opinion! Having a child is a lot of responsibility, and you can’t just knock up a girl or woman and then screw her after the child is born. That logic is the same if you have a child, then see them only on weekends or twice a day. You are doing you child – your family a disservice!
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A while back, Johnson & Johnson had ran an ad campaign showing proverbial memories of parent and child and the commercial ended with the following tagline.
Having a baby changes everything.
When you reflect on that campaign, it wasn’t targeting any age bracket or what. The fact is, no matter how old you are, a baby changes your life, and your family and puts added responsibilities.
There is a growing issue in America, the lack of being a responsible and accountable citizen to society. We’ve seen this statement being repeated over and over in this past year alone. And unfortunately its men whether he’s a street loaner, to a white collared executive, the commonality is we are becoming a fatherless society. We as a society should be ashamed and we should start to ask some serious questions like are parents really committed to have children, are we really going to stay together for the long run, and not stay married for the children’s sake or am I going to be responsible for my child’s welfare?
I think that is some starting points for an open and larger discussion of the role of parents, mostly on the father.
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Tag Archives: Marriages
“Definition of ‘Marriage'”
Now that I am not seeking future relationships, I have the time to start discussing the bigger picture of how this blog was intended to be.
Have you seen my banner and the various statements, phrases and questions about “Relationships”? The title of this story, is called “Definition of ‘Marriage'” this phrase was derived as legalese. The reason that phrase is legalese, was a community I used to live several years ago wanted the local board to send a memo to the State legislature of the town’s view on marriage. My state has approved homosexual marriage a few years ago. The community, which was (and is) extremely fiscal and very socially conservative, had taken advantage of using the ballot to vote their views.*
* I did not vote on that question, because its technically illegal to put such question in a “town meeting” legislature, since the ballot is supposed to be electing board members and approving the budget. This never was challenged on the legality. Everyone in town talked about the legality of marriage, and never about the legality of the question being put on a “ballot.” The other things, like this issue would be done on a Saturday meeting at the local school and holding up a card for approval/disapproval and the “townies” going up to speak about their approval or disapproval of various questions up for vote. (If you have watched Gilmore Girls, its kinda like that, only once a year mind you.)
I totally digress. I should avoid talking about politics only if politics effect relationships.
I’ve wondered about the views on marriage really is. It’s cheaper to not get married because of the lovely taxation that is only going to get worse. Having a kid ups the taxation. If you have a disability, and you receive Social Security or SSDI or SSI, a combined relationship means a consolidation of checkbook ledgers, which means your bennies may go down.
What really bugs me is how people have to put such mental and physical stress and typically the groom’s family putting money down for a wedding, that apparently becomes a writedown when the divorce comes along.
Getting married before legally the Mr. & Mrs. is very costly, and I’m not talking about the costs of a divorce! Divorces are very costly, and depending on who got screwed over (assuming a case of infidelity), may or may not get even more screwed because of losses of assets. If I were you, I’d be keeping asset log in case you loose precious items leading up to a divorce.
And who really gets screwed – the children! If couples have kids, this really shows how immature their parents are. The yuppitie yuppies always whine It’s for the Chillldreeenn! So divorcing is good “for the children?'”
We have to credit Hollywood for their leadership of having out of wedlock children, getting married and getting divorced as simple as clicking on the drop box on your Relationship Status on Facebook.
I’m not even talking about homosexual marriage like where this title originated from. I find heterosexual relationships is the most at danger. There is no meaning to “marriage”, again just talking about heterosexual marriage. I’m someone who thinks about money alot, and given this crappy economy, I would think money would be a strong decision maker for marriage. I just don’t get it.
I find doing a prenuptial is wrong. If you love someone so much to death, why is there a need to do a prenup? If anything you should do a will before a prenuptial.
I find the people who also tout traditional marriage are the ones that are doing the total opposite of what they are preaching.
What say you? Do you think marriage is overrated, or underrated. What is your “definition of ‘marriage'”?
Marriages, part two
It used to be back in the days before the whiner generation (aka the Millennials and Gen X) that people would start to settle down in their lives in their mid twenties. So since this writer is in his mid twenties, and one who hasn’t had any positive romantic experiences, it would be of interest to explain why this writer has concerns about marriage.
Cost
The cost of getting married has very little to do legal procedures (unless you want to go forward with a prenuptual – which I find absurd because I believe once you get married, you stay married unless there is an obscene form of an infidelity or death.) I’ll get to that later about prenups.
The other issue about cost, is typically the groom pays for the majority of the costs of the wedding, the reception, etc. Now, my mother is the only parent in my life, whom of which is a single. If you want to put my grandmother in the mix, that’s fine. My mother is essentially a middle class worker, and my grandmother is retired and living off fixed income benefits, so my mother probably would have to put money down on that, which I can’t even think of an average cost off the top of my head,
The other issue is finding a girl who would have accepting parents to someone who is probably going to be poorer than his wife and her parents. I live in a snobby region, (here I go not accepting richer people.)
Honeymoons (and that 3 letter dirty word)
Now a honeymoon is typically a standard after a marriage that takes place. And from what I know a honeymoon is a code word for the first occurrence of a sexual relationship for the first time ever (if you subscribe fully to the New Testament of the Bible) or the first occurrence since marriage. To me, the idea of a honeymoon for essentially a subliminal event is just overrated.
Maybe its still the child inside of me who is scared of sex. (I mentioned about this subject recently.) And where would I go for that? I typically don’t care for warm weather, and I just don’t get the whole idea of it except for just fucking* my new wife (if that ever was to happen.)
* fuck – to have a sexual intercourse [typically with penis to vaginal] – I wanted to explain what that word really means when I say it.
Acceptance of the Wife’s family
Another issue is that dysfunctional families aren’t just isolated in the biological, or immediate family, the in-laws have a contributing factor of potential gridlock of being united together. Part of my frustrations is that I have not found a way to succeed or overcome my dysfunctions with my autism spectrum disorder or ASD as of yet. I’ve struggled with social issues, because I made one too many social mistakes as a kid so I am punished by having to put a gun to my head by not making mistakes. As such, I have basically isolated myself from the “real world” or dare I say the skeptical world. This baggage along with everything else has also made me frozen by not looking at work programs because I feel ashamed of my disorder. So yet again, I am in this vicious circle of “doing the right thing™*” but yet I still am screwed ether way.
*Potential trademark of Dr. Laura Selessenger/Clear Channel Radio/Premiere Radio Networks
So while struggling to “doing the right thing”, its difficult to find an accepting girl in an un accepting society filled of entitled brats and snobby people. On top of that, the girl might have rich parents that might look down at a potential “looser.” It doesn’t help that you are also a guy in his mid twenties that might be allegedly surviving just barely on “welfare” like benefits, on top of that being very busy trying to find his happiness and his future hopes and dreams in between finding a job. So there is so much pressure that’s put to a “lost boy” stereotype or even a “looser” (insert the Bart Simpson tone to that.)
If I wanted to get married to a girl, I would like a healthy relationship with her parents, her potential siblings (which might be a must since I never had siblings and I am not sure if its better not to have or to have such) and maybe her respective grandparents, because typically a mother and a father have two sets of respective their mothers and fathers.
Maybe this paragraph is too Utopian.
The Wedding Vows (and the Interpretation of such)
I don’t typically talk about religion, spirituality or even afterlife because its a conterversal subject, and its best to keep discussions off the Web and in your disconnected living room. Typically the vows goes something like this:
“I [suchandsuch] take this bride/groom
to love and behold
for richer or for poor
in sickness and health
until death do us part”
That last line is actually the dealbreaker. So a marriage is null and void when ether one dies. So basically the spouse goes away and the marriage is all over. So ether legally, or socially, love is not forever or eternal! If one of us don’t die together, s/he is gone! And I won’t be married to her in afterlife because of what the vow states! Why remarry to someone if the same thing were to happen?!
So with that being said, I am still on the fence about “marriage.” That doesn’t mean that you, a “normal” reader to this blog should use this post as an excuse to not get married and still be in a long term relationship and not attempting to tie the knot.
The Decline of Marriage
A few weeks ago, Vice President Joe Biden pulled one of the many big political gaffes to date by declaring the Obama administration’s support for same sex marriage without consulting with them before he went on live TV a few Sundays ago. He talked about it on Meet the Press, meanwhile a few days later, President Obama said he’s for same-sex marriage, while he had said in the 2008 campaign, that marriage is between a man and a woman and being against it.
Fox Business Network’s Lou Dobbs, does a segment called “Chalk Talk” on his show on that network. This segment shows him writing figures on a chalk board showing the statistics gay marriage and the real numbers of heterosexual marriage going down.
I’ve noticed there is a divorce rate of families with special needs are pretty high, and never mind the 80% divorce rate of high functioning autistic population (mostly aspergers) so I wonder if its not really gays that are degrading instead that it might be caused the autistic population or people, familes of diasbled people.
I am the last person in the world to blur gays and autism together as one group, I’ll leave that to WrongPlanet, Alex Plank and the thousands of sick lefties to blur them together.
However, I think the world is degrading pretty fast.