Tag Archives: Relationships

Love and Lack of Romance

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I had a secret agenda of launching this blog back in early September. I used the “relationships” phrase with honest intentions of talking about the bigger picture. But it is easy to get distracted and getting stuck on love and romance.
Something I have never experienced, nor do I expect that I will fall in love.
I am sick and tired of dealing with crushes. They can be really dangerous, and I feel that crushes lead to a depressing road of pain, over dreamy thoughts, and large amounts of guilt.
And I am sick and tired of the ideal of waiting, and when one waits, the time will come. What? Like 2038? I can’t wait for someone to come. At the same time this logic kinda counteracts with the idea that one won’t meet a girl or a guy at home, because they don’t come knocking at your back door. So if one has to hear that on a number of times, then why do these people give you advice to wait?
Makes no sense. Especially in a hustle and bustle world of running their lives like an enterprise. Do they wait for a critical decision to do a business if they’re at work, or wait for the right moment to get that deal? Probably in a socialist world that is acceptable.
I don’t know anything.  And I think I am better off being an outsider, because this blog wouldn’t exist as someone wearing a V-tag* I’ve felt like an alien, and I do feel like an outsider looking into a clear glass.
*I can be a sci-fi geek, if you’ve heard of the 80s (that looked like from the 70s) the sci-fi program V you’ll know what I mean!
I’m just like a Lego minifigure looking through a glass window seeing things from an outsider, someone whose a professional who doesn’t have time to have emotions and fun.
And there’s nothing wrong with that!
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No Girlfriend – No Problem!

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The beginning of the new year (well as early as late September, as I started the “Countdown”) was really a sigh of relief. I realized that the chances of me getting a girlfriend in the near to distant future was going to be pretty low odds. I really don’t see a future for me and romance.I just don’t see it.

While it is so painful dealing with the idea of being single, I’m finding it a good idea. I won’t have to worry about loosing my gf due to a big argument  I won’t have to worry about not getting AIDS or another STD, since the sex rates with the suburban girls are probably much higher than one thinks.

I won’t have to worry about getting distracted from the g/f, and I can continue to avoid from social situations since many 26 year olds are often taken, or in a committed relationship. And other 26 year olds often have gone to college, and I don’t.

I won’t have to worry about meeting various demands, since girls require a guy with a University education, and working for some large company taking home at least $45,000 after tax. I won’t have to feel so ashamed living with his mother as girls don’t want a “looser”.
It is best to stay single!

My mother

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I am going to speak as general as possible, as I do not want to exploit my family, as they don’t pefer me to write about them to the whole world. And given my traffic, the whole world does follow this blog.
Earlier tonight, my mother came home from work. On Tuesdays she works down at the Massachusetts plant. She comes home a little later than usual. I don’t know why I have a mood when she comes in. Maybe its because its a change of environment because she comes home and I’m home alone all day.
Or maybe its because I have sucked at doing chores at home. Maybe my mother sucked at being a mother. Or maybe my mother shouldn’t raised me at a young age.
Within 2 minutes after she came in, she noticed I left a couple plates on the kitchen counter. She  started to point to the dishes and was going to mention it. I felt offended, and I started to get very upset and started to throw things and started to yell at her (and swore too.) I blurted out that she doesn’t fully love me in response of why I can’t do a simple thing such as moving dishes to the dishwasher.  I lost my patience and I felt really hopeless.
She also started to say that for the last couple of years she has tried to discretely hint me of my cluttered style in the dining and kitchen areas. I can’t explain why because a) I can’t articulate, and b) I can’t explain myself.
Unlike my mother, I don’t explain things, in this example, I don’t want to make excuses and another example I don’t want to degrade or come off as condescending.
I got very upset and cried in pain after. She avoided talking to me for the rest of the night (as I did as well.)  My mother also threatened me that she was going to move out and transfer the house under my name.  She things like that all the time during an intense argument  in which they aren’t as intense as they used to be, though I have gotten more physically aggressive to inmante objects. That really hurt, because I am not trying to take over the house or my mother. I feel that this desperate remark makes me come off as a spoiled brat, which is not my intentions. And I am not trying to “insult”, to use her words herself. I am trying to be fairly critical and also expecting the words to come right back as her counter response.
She also said that she wants to live with me, but since my organization is so bad, it bothers her so much that she was thinking of moving out.
I wished I could move out, but I can’t financially.
Given my current relationship with my mother, and my realization of not understanding what she sees through me, its like – what girl wants to be living with me if I am so emotional, fragile and messy? 
A part of my brain is ether dead or not working properly. And it’s so embarrassing  I know I offend my mother, and I feel some remorse but I can’t feel how bad I ether hurt her or how bad I have disrespected her.
In anyway, this story should had explained how I suffer with my autism and how my autism effects the relationships around me.
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Girlfriends – Distraction (or something else?)

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I’ve heard from other people who have been more romantically experienced compared to this writer that girlfriends can become a distraction. I can’t independently confirm that obviously. But my friend from high school had changed my relationship because of his girlfriend, though I guess he and others aren’t the only ones.
If you are a geek that likes to watch The Big Bang Theory, a show that kinda mocks the super high functioning autistic community, you probably got a kick last Thursday night (if you watch it on CBS like me.) The super Asperger character was in competition of writing a term paper (or something like that) with his competitive friend. The Dr. Sheldon Cooper character started to feel not so smart because of his counterpart writing a better paper. Well it turns out his counterpart said if he was spending a lot of time with Amy,  his girlfriend. He also bragged about his alleged sex life, in which Sheldon doesn’t like or wants to do.
I’ll leave out the technical information, as you could go onto the CBS’ website and see the clips, I just want to keep this post general to people who might not watch that program. (If you are a reader from outside the United States, please consult to your local network’s listings/website to find the show in your area.)
But it is rather funny, even the most intelligent, but socially retarded individual could have his life disrupted due to being in a relationship.
But again, I do not know, because I have never been in any romantic relationship other than having endless crushes.
 

SEEKING STORIES: “Normal”/ASD Romantic Relationships

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A project I am working in the coming months is to figure out if there is possibilities for people with autism to be in romantic relationships. One way is to see if they currently exist.
I’m seeking a female that is “normal”/”nerotypical“/non disabled and a male that is an autistic individual/other PDD/ADHD (since statistically this would be the common form of a inter/neurological relationship since most people with autism are 4 out of  5 cases are males.) I do not want to sound judgmental, I’d be more interested in people that don’t have Asperger Syndrome. Asperger Syndrome does not have the significance and severity of traditional autism or other high functioning autism.
I would like to know:

  • Are you in a relationship?
  • How long have you been in this relationship?
  • What are the advantages/disadvantages of a co-existing romantic relationship?
  • Have ether of you been single for the long-term prior to becoming a couple?
  • Are you engaged/married?
  • Optional, what about sex and physical relationships? How have you managed?

I’d love to hear from people to confirm if there is possibilities for others too.
If you are willing to do a collaborative story, or submit a story  you can use ether the comment page or contact me directly if you want it initially in confidence.

Realization

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I’ve come to a realization that I have issues.
I was in denial for many years, most recently the last couple with pure anger and bitterness. 
Now in the recent months, I’ve come to a conclusion that I have autism.
My life is torn apart, my relationships with everyone has been destroyed.
I feel so fucking embarrassed about myself!
Something is defective in my brain! I never had an MRI before, so I don’t how messed up I am! I don’t know how real only I do know I have autism!
I don’t get love of any kinds, thats why this blog was created last summer! and I guess…I am a very litteral person even if I keep denying so. I can’t understand feelings like I used to.
People do say that autistic individuals have a hard time with relationships, and I don’t think I have much future unless I do something, something I don’t know how to approach and tackle!
In some ways I am like an android. A Data. I can’t deny the facts – I am messed up!
Oh how can someone love some autistic and not expect a full 100% love back?
So why should I have friends or a girlfriend, especially the latter? She’ll probably put me to jail as a criminal for being a psycho! Why would anyone fall in love a developmentally retarded individual?
I thought I give and give, and I get people “liking” my stories and never stalk my blog on the blog’s Facebook page. Well my “giving” should be looked at, because some people claim I receive more than I give. Again, I am fucked up in the brain!
I do know for a fact I am ASHAMED with my Autism and NOT PROUD AT ALL! I don’t belong in any place! I am a misfit!
My life ended at 12. My identity was stolen. I was replaced from a human to a robot!
Responses on stories featured on this blog are welcome by emailing the publisher on the contact page. Such responses may be used in future stories.

How can someone fall in love (ROMANTICALLY) with an autistic?

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When they have meltdowns?
When they get upset easily?
When someone has sensory issues?
How can they handle their social quirks?
The busing of the brain that stops processing various the verbal cues, social cues, etc?
I don’t know.
I do know that not everyone with autism can fall in love and go into a lifelong relationship.
Love is a feature missing to some people who suffer of the brain disease known as the Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD.

Unhealthy Relationships

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If you are an early adopter to this blog back in August of last year, I’ve mentioned about the thought of “unhealthy relationships.”
I was in a special ed high school in Massachusetts, and the health lessons I learned, were not about physical – it was the psychological side of relationships. Some people believe psychological is junk science, and I tend to agree. I find psychology (often I say psych-o-logy) more like software for the human brain, but unlike technology, the real beauty is really hardware (physical.)
Psychology is not logical, and the only issues with that regard is “in the head”. Most often psychologists or people studying psychology never get taught any sorts of physical, or studying something about the human body.
As you will find out over time, I’ll be discussing all about the “virtual” side about relationships, since that was mostly taught outside of the home.
So today let’s talk about what is called “Unhealthy Relationships”
It basically means (according to the “experts”) there are issues with two people, in this example I’ll use a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Issues such as depression, lack of common interests, “esteem” issues or what.
Crushes can allegedly fit into this category.
I don’t remember the full details, as we were reading off a textbook and at that time I couldn’t understand or grasp such an abstract thought process. The textbook (which probably was PC, never mentioned about abuse, like physical, verbal or anything severe.) Also my hack teacher used film (i.e. the single season of Freaks & Geeks) as a dialogue to decipher the unhealthy relationships with the characters on that television program.
I’ve done additional research prior to writing this post, and I was under taught about that subject, and I’ve learned that “Unhealthy Relationships” is a serious manner, of such it can get pretty nasty, like sexual abuse, verbal abuse or even controlling one of another. In the latter link, they describe communication is a key to a healthy relationship.
I’m quite surprised that I got the childlike answer and not the dark description.
To this day I still try to remember what junk science I learned and never could apply other than I still can’t get how I was conflicted with trying to understand relationships with a teacher that never second-guessed her approach of teaching, like her taking away my rights to have love or romantic relationships other than I didn’t have a label other than Asperger Syndrome.
Supposedly the “experts” have believed people with PDD-NOS or a borderline functioning disorder had no hopes for a brighter future. They never thought, that their beliefs would backfire with the power of the World Wide Web and a blogger spending most of his time proving these  educated academia types wrong with limited success.
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Responses on stories featured on this blog are welcome by using emailing the publisher on the contact page.

Fathers

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This post has since been updated
I find the “father figure” is becoming a dying breed. I think its even endangered at this point.
That’s pretty dangerous if you ask me.
As you already know I have been raised without my father for almost my entire life. As time has gone on, I’ve started to realize what the powerful role of a father is supposed to be.
Fathers are supposed to be reassuring to the mother, by not over protecting her son.
Fathers are supposed to be there for the hard times, and to reassure the family (or individuals) that things will be Ok. The father has to protect, (or even over) protect their daughter. Typically if a daughter isn’t raised by her father, the mother, wouldn’t be overprotecting her. The theories of early puberty and over maturity can attribute to the lack of a father in her life.
Fathers are supposed to have some level of authority as well.
Now I really feel that the times have gone so modern that the father has no role for his family. Fathers aren’t getting their hands dirty like changing diapers, (no pun intended) or getting down on the floor and building Lego with the son or attending a tea party in the daughter’s bedroom, or advocating for their children during budget season when their special needs children are going to fall into the cracks in coming months or years. This role has been a motherly monopoly and the fact that its all “motherly” (like excessive emotions) makes it even worse in my opinion.
The logic of the father being the bread winner is I think outdated. In recent years in the Great Recession Depression after 2008, most career causalities were the Midtown Big Banks, and mostly those were white collared and mostly a male workforce. And many of those were unemployed right in the midst of the what I call is the Great Depression. But we as a society still are sexist, because even if there is more working women, we still look down at them, and not look up to men in a different standard.
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Back a couple months ago, there was murder in New York City, 2 children died, I believe they were both 2 year olds, the cause I don’t know, because there has been a few to none follow up stories. The NYPD had questioned the various parties, and again I don’t know the details since. The parents of those two murdered children appeared to be executives and was raised by a nanny. The father recently gotten a job running the digital operations at the New Jersey based business channel, CNBC.
This job wasn’t a simple webmaster or building apps for the iPhone/iPad, but more of an executive commuting to various places and monitoring Excel spreadsheets, since this man came from Discovery Communications. I do not know anything about the mother. CNBC.com featured a 1 minute video memo on their website (see link above), after this horrific episode of crime, with the managing editor giving his condolences.
Since this has happened a couple months ago, I feel there should be a discussion about the right to have children of all classes. We typically think teenage girls to early twentysomething girls or ones that live on welfare to get bennies; but we never look at the higher class, net worth types (like this CNBC executive)  and whether or not they should have the right to have children.
Don’t get me wrong, I live in America and we should have freedom to choose, but that comes with responsibilities! If you are a desperate 20 year old to someone who is climbing the corporate ladder, you need to think twice if you want to have children. Sorry, its my straight up opinion! Having a child is a lot of responsibility, and you can’t just knock up a girl or woman and then screw her after the child is born. That logic is the same if you have a child, then see them only on weekends or twice a day. You are doing you child – your family a disservice! 
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A while back, Johnson & Johnson had ran an ad campaign showing proverbial memories of parent and child and the commercial ended with the following tagline.
Having a baby changes everything.
When you reflect on that campaign, it wasn’t targeting any age bracket or what. The fact is, no matter how old you are, a baby changes your life, and your family and puts added responsibilities.
There is a growing issue in America, the lack of being a responsible and accountable citizen to society. We’ve seen this statement being repeated over and over in this past year alone. And unfortunately its men whether he’s a street loaner, to a white collared executive, the commonality is we are becoming a fatherless society. We as a society should be ashamed and we should start to ask some serious questions like are parents really committed to have children, are we really going to stay together for the long run, and not stay married for the children’s sake or am I going to be responsible for my child’s welfare?
I think that is some starting points for an open and larger discussion of the role of parents, mostly on the father.
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Responses on stories featured on this blog are welcome by using emailing the publisher on the contact page.

The $cam Known as Valentine’$ Day

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I noticed right after Christmas, the retail shops started to move the displays of the Christmas goods, after some places had Christmas stuff right after Labor Day, and concurrently selling Christmas stuff along with the Halloween decor and candies.

So what was replaced?

Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day is the worst marketing I find more obscene than Christmas. It’s not a holiday per se, but it is a marketing machine that should make the Catholics upset.
And part of that is just the idea what defines “romance” what defines “love”.

  • Is it candy?
  • Is it cards?
  • Is it just simple admiration?
  • Should I give cards out to my family members?
  • Is it to do with solely on sexual intercourse?
  • Is having crush love?
  • Do we define girlfriend/boyfriend relationships based on the click of the mouse on their Relationship Status on a social networking website?

What is it?

I don’t know.

I do know that in the recent years, Valentine’s Day has accelerated out of control, and the definition has of course been redefined to a non-standard definition.

I will throw some rocks at Victoria’s Secret, Limited Brands, their parent company should be reporting some obscenely high profits when that quarter closes, and Barry Diller’s Match.com (which now touts only 1 and 5 relationships start on the Net) will report another obscene growth (since after all it costs nearly $200 for a subscription all paid in full on a one time bill) and he will never spin off the property, even if the site is well independently financed.
In no means, am I defending any means of welfare, or equality – but as someone who has been unemployed or underemployed, and someone who grew up by a single parent living in a privileged town where he himself wasn’t privileged, it just makes it difficult to find someone that understands my situation.

I do know Love can be a scam, and unfortunately it isn’t illegal by Federal Law to sell goods relating to  love or romance, as per to any regulatory authorities like the F.T.C., S.E.C. or the F.B.I. except you can’t do prostitution.

Wait? Isn’t whoring products about love considered in some degree “prostitution”? Then how come Limited Brands or Victoria’s Secret not getting any Federal investigation? The messaging seems to be clear, they sell underwear just so someone can fuck another – that I find illegal?

I find it illegal that Victoria’s Secret uses modeling agencies (aka subcontracting) that employs models that aren’t even American. Where’s the Feds on that?

I digress

I do find it technically illegal to be legally sell anything to do with romance or love. If only were I a prosecutor, would I love to legally  destroy companies that have destroyed society.

Suck that Alessandra Ambrosio and Mrs. Tom Brady!

Again I digress.

I just hate romance and every freckin Valentine’s Day since like 2003, its just salt in my wounds. I love bitching about this at this time every year to shut up all the slutty defenders of such day.
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