It really shouldn’t be a Breaking News story where the newsroom bell shouldn’t go off. Your heart had already been broken when you were in school age, and even if there was an off limits romantic relations with your teacher, even when you are an old adult, special needs professionals of any age group, would rather work with your types “on the clock” and then not want to be in any relationship off the clock, hence the second tier in this mock lower third.
Relationships and autism doesn’t always gel well. Some of that has to do with ones wiring of the brain like if part of the brain is missing a circuit board.
In some cases it gets unnecessary confusing in ones’ teenage years.
Why do I say that?
Its because we have people who claim to be knowitalls on autism (using Doctor or PhD) in their names, and sadly because of their status, they think they have an open license to start making blanket statements about that everyone with autism are all boys, they are lost, they can’t talk and if they are high functioning they are all geeks who like computers or gaming and they are all 5 ’10 and are fat bastards because they are given anti depressants out of will in a semi criminal fashion.
What I mean by that is that in any legitimate workshop on autism, the above stereotype is often used, indirectly albit. It’s hard to describe it because there is a lot of subliminal messaging in terms of autism awareness. Some of those cases, can you know come off as scare tactics. Some are just plain ol slander and some are just claiming to tell the “truth” (insert your aging estrogen bias here.)
The problem is instead of trying to act fair and balanced (read: the equal opportunity offender), there is always a focus on the negative, and some cases blaitent attempts singling out these individuals, because of the subject manner. Earlier this year, a workshop took place in my state. February 14th to be exact. Great timing, right? The workshop was entitled “What Does Love Have to Do With It?”. The pamphlet (which is on the World Wide Web mind you and likely to be indexed forever!) puts a damning catch:
“This workshop is appropriate for parents, professionals, and paraprofessionals who have a working knowledge of autism spectrum disorders and common strategies for teaching social cognition and communication. It is not appropriate for adolescents themselves.” – Pamphlet of this workshop on February 14th, 2013
What sensitivity, if was ever any thought? The speaker, a well known psychologist, that comes off as a knowitall on Autism, basically singled out the population just only “adolescent” age group and only for the coldhearted professionals of the autism biz. Who in the hell gave this a green light? Where was the assistant if this speaker even has one? If I were the assistant, I’d be like “what the fuck are you doing?” and smacking the ass! And this speaker, doesn’t give a shit if she is messing up ADULTS with autism with the mixed messages and the fear tactics, since the profile states she only deals with children and adolescents!*
*so she can mess up the younger folks and fuck off the adults suffering with mixed messages with love and relationships, the 25 year olds that got raped by the abuse of liberal union thugs – fuck those bastards they are illerlevent!
If I was the local AG, I’d throw the books at a boatload of women as Level 3 sex offenders. The University of New Hampshire Durham has plenty of anti social jerks and a majority of the college girls there are mostly skanks –and don’t dare you tell me that’s just you know “3%” of the student population! Hello, Facebook! Facebook exposes the REAL majority of sex offenders! Yes a slut in my opinion is a Sex Offender. I hate using the word “slut” and “skank”, but when there isn’t fathers controlling their daughter’s estrogen and teaching them how to effectively use their sexual power, the degrading words DESERVES MERIT!
Speaking about the Internet Protocol, it is taught to autistic to be careful what you post online? And yet I am assuming this speaker never thought of any guilt or remorse of doing a workshop on Saint Valentines Day, and knowing it was planned to begin with. If there was another date, it should’ve be done because, yes Virgina – there is a such thing that perception is reality and teasing, YES teasing the fact one is doing a workshop and yet, yet its about autism and love/relationships, but the next breath it says not for the “individuals themselves”?
ARE YOU FUCKING ME!!!??????
So, to make a statement that PDFs do not rot, I’ll post the original tease of the workshop on MY blog to show that people should not only think twice of what they should be posting, but also think before you act. Think before you commit a date and do not, and DO NOT make a sissy excuse like oh it was just coincidental – nothing personal. That’s the oldest trick in the book in CYA. Some autistics are like Google who will never forget or EVEN forgive your intellectual stupidity! Think twice before you tease the public and think before you paint a slanderous image of autistics, because there are people who are trying to make us like creeps!
If it weren’t for these types of people, this blog wouldn’t exist. I don’t know if I should be thankful or pissed or both. You decide.
*
I am not a kind of guy who likes to talk “dirty” subjects. I am not kind of guy who acts childish if someone had put a penis into a vagina and laughs about it. I am also a guy who would never talk vulgar to his peer gal friend. I’d never use phrases like “boner” even if its in the common lexicon of the twentysomethings.
I find the subject on sex a very scared subject and a very intimate manner. It’s to the point where I was very hesitant of learning sex from my mother. I felt like it was very controversial over graphic nature to talk about it. My sex ed IQ might be much lower, though I know the basics about it.
I also don’t talk about it to my primary care doctor (or PCP in the health insurance lingo.) He’s kinda like a brotherly figure, similar to a guy who used to work at my school, but that relationship never went beyond that. (Albeit he left the school the same year his father passed away, which I think messed him up seriously for many years.) That same guy I felt comfortable talking about, like girls. I know that boundary is very thick to women of course. Even if I am not that close, I do have concerns about my sexual health, but I have kept it secret for so long. At this point, it might not be worth it to mention given how long I have not mentioned about a specific personal issue with me.
However I have stayed away talking about girls to my mother, more in the last couple of years. That has been a sacred subject to the point I built a Chinese firewall. Often it was the SSDD, same stuff, different day. Another was to migrate any teasing. Also crushes – isn’t that expected for teenagers? Sometimes if a girl at a specific time of my life that was such prevalence, I would bring it up to my mother. Often I keep that a separate and personal issue.
Presently there was a girl at the local grocery store who works as a cashier that I started to have feelings. Why? Because she shows at least some, some interest (i.e. acknowledging my presence in a friendly way.) I wanted to go on specific days or shifts to see her. At the last time I have seen her was probably a month ago. The last 2 weeks, I had to compromise with my mothers schedule. It might had been one week, but I was trying to push one of the last few weeks.
I’ve tried to keep this crush as secret as possible. Yes, I find her cute, and not only that, it’s because she’s friendly. You don’t see that anywhere south of the Pemigwasett River and north of the I-93/95 split and west of I-91 in Mass. I’ve said this before, you can’t get away from the snobby brats that have infested Central New England.
I’ve learned that in this lawyered up, cry baby, ambulance chasing society that people don’t comment on speculation, such as if companies are merging, and rumor against a company or person or something else that isn’t based on pure fact. I personally build myself on being the most complaint individual in society with the strongest moral and ethical, and compliance standards. So with that, I find crushes in a legalese way of “speculative relationships“. Isn’t a crush something of a grey manner? Would it destroy your reputation, or the other girl’s reputation? If yes to both of those questions, then it would be some form of a speculative relationship. Therefore, I shouldn’t have obligation to disclose that i am going to the local grocery store at a specific time, because I want to see my crush (even if she probably is a trashy girl off the clock) and any admission could destroy my relationship or hers. (albeit, a “crush” is a one way relationship.)
Again, back to the subject in hand, it is important for me to have a firewall between my different people in my life in terms of sex and specific details about romance. Sex to me is a personal, very sensitive issue. Some times the thought is very glamorous, sometimes its just too graphic and literally messy. All this of course based on just opinion and not fact. I’ve asked my self so many questions about sex, and I’ve mentioned this prior to in the “Slutty In the Head” theme.
I am a little more open here, because I try to talk about the subject manner with proper class and respect on the issue. Part of it is because I find it a serious manner, than something more casual. It might be because I am a serious guy,
*Don’t take that title the wrong way, that’s why I used the phrase “mind”
In the information technology or information systems world, there is an acronym called PEBCAK or Problem Exists Between the Chair and Keyboard. Sometimes people will call the helpdesk, or submit a ticket electronically, and when the IT or IS admin comes to the user, and the problem can’t be reproduced, they’ll blame the operator, hence PEBCAK.
Turning the analogy around back to the relationships world, I sometimes wonder the reason why I don’t have a social circle is because of me. I am pretty quick to attribute the problem to women. I guess social standards still are against men, that they are the problem, and women they are just perfect.
I have had been told by strangers on the Internet that maybe it’s just my own fault about feeling various ways about romance, girls and then some. I always try to feel considerate to the naysayers (even if they are anonymous.)
But do I have a case, or do I not? Why is it OK for women to badmouth men, but when men do it its socially inappropriate? Why is it ok for girls to bite boys heads off in high school but if a guy does it he gets in trouble?
Is this a reversed double-standard?
I need to take a cold look at myself in the mirror. Maybe I am just bitter for no reason. Maybe I made it up and not realized it. Maybe this view in society was just a very long and bad dream. I should own up any mistakes I have done in blocking my expansion of my social circle.
Afterall, they say that the woman is right, no matter how wrong she could be. Always assume they are right.
I wear that status as a badge of honor.
I don’t think there are that many 26 year olds guys that are virgins. Obviously the same can be applied to girls, since many of them, dare I say have “done it” never mind kissing and stuff.
I feel that I stand out of the crowd even if people know it.
I think it can be a good thing because being an outsider looking into a 4 wall glass, and sometimes and outsider can give you a better prospective on a subject similar to this. Sometimes I think the 4 wall clear glass is like the modern day “state school” or an institution for the mentally retarded. Just because an institution is closed down, it just moves to another place.
Well, I feel as I get older, I’ll be 40 in nearly 13 years. That’s scary, especially when my clock is ticking, and I am not sure if I want to breed another depressed autistic into the world.
I mentioned in the beginning of this blog (the first carnation last summer) that females peak in their sexuality in their mid twenties. And to have a proper relationship of having commonality, that is going to be cutting it if I can’t find anyone my own age. (Yes, because many autistics are creepy like people, we were forced to learn to be around our own type, our own ages, and that the “7 year rule” is stricken out with the “2 year rule” that is an expectation – when you are in high school. What hurts me the most, is that many teenagers are more socially experienced than I am!
I had to carry the baggage about the understanding of the realization of my actual social abilities for so long. My “social IQ” is very low. I have a hard time at times understanding the others feelings or visions. People especially “normal” people my age are not understanding, but would understand someone who has dark skin. (Yes, people in this society are racist is it so sad?)
If I want a girl in my life, I don’t even care if she is near my age group. How many people of my or your age group is intelligent, who can speak articluatly, who watches traditional TV, or consumes news from professionals (like the newspapers, local TV, talk or all news radio?) How many of them use computers whether or not they like it or not? How many single girls are out there who love gadgets? It’s always a tease for me to to go to the local RadioShack and see a cutie that appears to be taken. Hell, RadioShack isn’t what it used to be, but there needs to be credit where credit is due when there is a girl out there that at least gives a damn about tech.
I’ve also said this, where it bears repeating: good looking girls are taken, decent caring girls are taken, girls with compassion are taken. Which leaves the hot looking and aggressive attitudes single, the not so pretty girls are single, and motherly types I don’t want to be arms length to!
As painful as it is, sometimes its best to be single and pure and to avoid love at all costs. It has put a huge cost my life, taking away years that were wasted that I can’t get back. The best option is to just move on and try to not engage with ladies, and just be at arms length and run away if they are showing interest.
If you follow MTV’s Catfish, you know the ins and outs of people fibbing of who they are online. I’ve always found the series so interesting because many online relationships (at least featured on this program) begin on Facebook. (you know the full-name mandated unwritten social rule of the social networking road?)
This show was clearly a surprise. As someone who has a hard time keeping a suprise, I was able to not spoil ANYTHING when my mother and grandmother watched this show On Demand last Thursday. As someone who has autism, its sometimes be hard to fib.
Well, the rest is a spoiler alert if you haven’t watched it.
Last Tuesday’s episode was so interesting. The show featured Lauren, 21 year old Texan who met a guy on MySpace (I had to search what was MySpace!) 8 years ago. They also got engaged. Lauren had moved a lot when she was younger and her mother had passed away when she was 6. Lauren tried to authenticate this guy named Derek, a guy that lives in Maryland to offer him a webcam, in which he had turned down every time.
The two on camera talent met with Lauren, whom of which had a child a couple years ago at her house and she had touted “in her heart” she “knew” that he “was the right guy”. This line alone “the fact that I haven’t met him doesn’t matter. I know what I want” was how she was throughout the entire episode. When the hosts Nev Schulman and Max Joseph went to dig up the information, the “Derek” guy appeared to be legitimate, and the real red flag was the phone number. When they looked up the phone number it was another man, and when they searched that person’s identity it was an middle aged black man. The guys were skeptical, and concerned about Derek
Nev and Max brought this up to Lauren and she still believed in what her heart was telling her. The father and stepmother then came to meet with the three of them, which the father was surprised that there was a crew there, and never even heard of Catfish. They also didn’t know this Derek was someone who she met online and the father had some legitimate concern for his daughter and both parents urged caution if she choose to meet them in person.
When Max and Nev went to call Derek, he got nervous too. He explained needing advance notice, a set schedule, etc. What wasn’t mentioned on the air or even at all, could possibly be very well he was skeptical about Lauren. Maybe she was too good to be true too! As they went to Maryland and on the ride to his house, she started to get very nervous, and Max and Nev were trying to be realistic as she was getting testy of them as she felt they were trying to minimize the legitimacy of Derek.
Well, it could’ve been one the most surprising moments of the series. As they got to Derek’s house, and Lauren ringing the doorbell, she got more nervous and turned her back against the door. Derek opened the door and came right behind her. I was surprised to see it was really him. This show was kinda like the Friendzone because they had time to kill and featured a few minutes of them in their first actual date.
Her son Mason, did come with a best friend, and the following day Derek met with Mason. They seemed to get along right out of the bat. And about the phone number? Derek had the number as long as he had it, and doesn’t know why that other individual’s name is on his number. A live (at least on the first run on the Eastern/Central time zone) follow up program had both of them on, and they are still together, and taking it one step at time. They hope to get married within a year. Both Max and Nev stated that they were skeptical and they were surprised to see it was really him.
This was so fun to watch, and there were a couple good tweets
@Bunch1402 “One of the best shows ever for catfish! So happy for Lauren and Dereck. We need more shows like that one!”
but I think this tweet is going to be back to reality
@thatoneguydrew: “This last episode of @CatfishMTV brought tears to my eyes. Seeing this come to pass was worth all the sadness from all the other eps!”
This was a nice distraction from the typical depressing experiences featured on Catfish. Out of 99.99% of the such online relationship, that .1% can be a story like Lauren and Derek. Very rare in a crazy world of online relationships. This needs to be bottled up!
I know this sounds highly crass and very inappropriate and highly offensive for a title – but really – am I that far fetch to use that?
Maybe in 2075, when autism will be just as normal like every other civil group, but what about the meantime? I cannot believe in 2013 how much the ignorance is still prelevent about autism. People get scared that if anyone doesn’t talk – they are afraid they’ll snap like the gunman in Newtown, you got advice web lists, where someone asks a similar question and you get one reply from someone who says to stay away. No reason, just telling that person to steer away.
And then you got the professionals and the paraprofessionals of my least favorite generation, the Millenials, and sure its so awesome we got twentysomethings with some form of brains…
…but how many of those people would have “friends” outside of work who have a same disability as someone they work with on the clock? Crickets!
And do you really think after a days work of having students/clients ether flipping out, having crap being literally thrown at you or someone having a bad day, that they want to come home and deal other baggages of life?
Answer simply is no.
And there you have it you get simple ignorance then you have complicated arrogance from people with PhD degree of I Know Everything About Autism, because I bear by PhD – meaning that in the textbooks all autistics are mute and dumb, and therefore they have no hopeful futures. The sick thing, is they have to defend what the “book” says to show off their 8 years of college. That’s where I call these smartasses dummies. These overeducated snots then choose to be arrogant and not accept the fact that someone like me could have a relationship – possibly – like everyone else – have the possibility to fuck a girl (or a guy if you are girl with case of half autism like Asperger Syndrome!) (Sorry for being crass again)
I digress.
What do you think? If you knew someone who had autism, do you think you would spend a night closer than another typical night?
Would someone get charged for a Felony if he asked a girl out that he didn’t really know? Would it be just because he doesn’t “look” like the other guys?
This is a very confusing task for someone like me to do. There is of course the many pseudo-science things like “social capital”, “social pyramid” and the other cautious practices, because you know we can’t assume that everyone with a developmental disability would appear to be “normal” because we have to stereotype them as big, fat ugly young men.
And of course we got both men and women professionals or others that have to be skeptical to protect each others safety, the fear of course of the other person complaining against us!
The problem is there isn’t any positive social skills teaching us how to get young ladies, only because there are many excuses such as its not the paraprofessionals’ responsibility of teaching how to hook up with someone, and more excuses. (and I say this gender specifically since many cases of autism and other DDs are 95% males – and of course I feel ashamed sometimes of being a guy since we are easy targets to get bullied by girls.)
I’ve heard the various ideas of places to meet other people like at the grocery store. Sure that’s a great idea – only if you don’t live in a snobby town and most of the people aren’t walking the carts as couples.
The other theoretical suggestion is well maybe flirt with the cashiers. Which makes me question at what point do you go forward? How do you do small talk (I have difficulties NOT because of my autism, but I was trained settle of socializing with snobby people.) How many weeks or months would you suggest to ask her out? What if I found her Facebook profile and she appears to be a bad girl but she acts nice on the clock? Should I assume that shes taken? (since all good looking girls are taken, good girls are taken and bad girls are not)
The logical response to all of this is to just go on Match or some other dating site since in like 30 years you’d look like you grew up in a sheltered life or that you are very old to remember how people met each other before the Web.
I don’t know because I never had any strong support to do so, only the depressing skepticism and skiddish kinda responses. This is how I tackle it: no one would want to date me, to assume that girl is taken, and assume she’s a badass. I don’t make an ass out of u and me, because 99% of my encounters involve with bitches who can’t control her emotions or has some excuse to dislike me. And 1 and 50 occurrences I deal with the opposite gender, I get some positive reaction. And that 1 and 50 cases happen probably 1 in 3 months.
I am simply confused. Trying to find my next best friend should not have to require being taught from someone with a PhD degree and requiring so much freckin structure.
My birthday is near and in the coming weeks I will be 26 years of age. It will be the 5 year mark where I had turned 21 and finished school on the same day. It is very scary to think how in half a decade how I have fallen apart and came to a hard realization about how I have to accept my differences, and accept my future outlooks in life. (I think you know its really about “relationships”.)
I don’t talk like I used to because I am tired of talking to slight egomaniacs. I am tired of hearing someone’s “honest” or someone pushing an agenda on me. I might be venting a little about my mother, but that’s really besides my point.
I am asking for much this year, nor do I really give a shit about it ether. As I wrote in last October, about my struggles of people remembering my birthday; I’ve just accepted the fact “its just another day”. That happened last year, I went on a trip to the mountains after doing some shopping at the state’s surplus agency getting networking gear. I brushed off the the 25th anniversary of my existence.
I am not happy about the big two-six. And this isn’t just the normal PDD obsession leading to one’s bday. It’s actually worse.
I realize I won’t be happy. Its not because I choose not to, its because I am forced to not be happy. The leadership on the ASD self-interest has effectively slandered my group, and has effectively committed uncriminal behavior like psychological ID theft. These goddamned sons of bitches have forced me to grow up faster than my peers (since it is “normal” to still act like an adolescent at 35 years old, if you don’t have a disability) and yet these same sons – of – bitches treat people like me as crap when they aren’t “on the clock”. These people insist we work for some corporation and be highly accountable at all times.
These freckin bastards also believe we should only fall in love in our own peer group. I’m talking about the PDD group. As you already know (I assume) the numbers of PDD male to female ratio is about 4 out of 5 male to female. I probably would say 3 out of 5 are females, since I see more of them in the adult services than I have seen in the special education. But still, I am put at a disadvantage.
My only wishes for my birthday is:
I’ve realized I have done some bitching, but many punks in my life have no idea what they have done to me, and how its ok to not be accountable of their actions, their words and their actions. It is men with a certain social standard who have wrongfully been abused and used!
I do not hate women! And I mean that. I respect them! They are very caring people, and they have great talents! Younger ladies is rare, thirtysomethings you have better luck I only have a problem when they go on a political or systemic tirade against one social class for no realistic reason in the general population, and get away with it. Sadly, many are near or post menopausal and they generically look ugly, because they act as if they are fat and ugly. I hate to be so biased, but since ASD and PDD individuals are mostly male, I feel so personally offended to be an adult male because we have to treat women as God.
I only ask to be somewhat happy for my Birthday. But apparently in America that is asking for too much according to all the experts I have to comply since America is now a “1984” society.
P.S. there is one other thing I would want for my birthday. To have more traffic on this blog and more discussions from my readers, because if it weren’t for you (if you even read my blogs) this blog wouldn’t exist.
End of my political/personal rant.
…fall in love
…have intimate relationships
…have any “normal” friends, only their nerological peers
…publish web logs, because typically they write things that aren’t approprite for the public packet-waves
…can’t leave comments on blogs, only failover to clicking on the “like” button
…have cyber friends
…can’t use dating sites
…can’t meet new people only if they have friends that know new people
..can’t use social networking webstites
…can’t cant can’t can’t can’t cant can’t can’t can’t cant can’t can’t can’t cant can’t can’t can’t cant can’t can’t can’t cant can’t can’t can’t cant can’t can’t can’t cant can’t can’t can’t cant can’t can’t can’t cant can’t can’t can’t cant can’t can’t* do anything other than be corporate whores!
(*sorry I guess my Betacam tape got “jammed” inside the deck)
If you found this page and you are trying to get answers, well here is a very direct response.
AUTISTIC PEOPLE CAN’T BE SOCIAL WITHOUT COMING OFF AS RETARDED!
AUTISTICS CAN’T TOUCH A GIRL WITHOUT SIGNING UP FOR A LEVEL 3 SEX OFFENDER!
AUTISTICS CAN’T REPRODUCE DUE TO SOME UNWRITTEN FEDERAL RESTRICTION
So to answer the question again, Autistics CANNOT FALL IN LOVE OR HAVE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS!