Tag Archives: Romance

Crushes, part two

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If there is a such thing as a relationship status called “crushes” then that’s the only closest relationship outside of my family.
Another word is infatuation, meaning one is foolishly in love with someone. Crushes are well known for someone with ASD, as in some cases
I’ve dealt with it since I was 12. Some of them were highly intense and caused mass devastation in the years that followed. And it can be severe.  In many cases with ASD individuals is teachers, since many students are male and are in a 98% male educational establishment. And of course we cannot date teachers as that is immoral and illegal even when you are in that gray years of 18 to 21.
But I’ve gotten a LOT of grief throughout the years of having a crush on somebody. If I can redact part of my past, I would, but you can’t fully redact history.
I’ve learned to gag myself about talking about crushes in order to protect my reputation, since I am one that gives a damn about his reputation. Obviously I try to not be as obvious, and I’ve learned to try to tone down my feelings. I don’t talk about, just like how I just mentioned (hence the “gag’), and I just zip it. I’m not a homosexual, but I observe the “don’t ask, don’t tell” practice. If someone asks me if I have a crush on someone, I don’t say just like I shouldn’t say I have a crush on somebody.
Why?
Because if I do, then the crush becomes one large superstorm and it just get out of control and then the storm comes by with shame, anger and guilt.
And sure people may pick on me as a form of admiration, but it has destroyed my reputation.
I always happen to like the wrong people, the ones who are married or “In a Relationship” or someone with kids. And I also apparently like to repeat history and never learn from my mistakes, since I keep having infatuations with different people. Maybe because I have been so accustomed to a one-way relationship and having the PDD label tattooed on my forehead that I feel that will be the only relationship I can have, even if its strongly unhealthy.

Love is a Disease

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If there was a disease called “love” maybe it was a girl I liked who destructed one guy’s view on romance.
I don’t get what love is supposed to really  be.
image of "jessica" - the girl who ruined my heart
I shouldn’t even be wasting my time and resources and the small bandwidth and file size, but posting this picture of that “Jessica”* girl  is larger than life. I saw that in her back when I was 12 years old. I’ve been told to just forger her and pretend she’s dead.
*as much I don’t think she’s innocent, she deserves some level of a change of identity. I also “chyroned’ the crap of the image to prevent a potential  Catfish – even before I got addicted to that TV series
Well how am I supposed to let go of an alleged hot ticket Italian? Especially when there aren’t any other girl I knew from my local school that I had the same feeling.
RELATED: Meet The Girl who Ruined one’s Heart
This girl continues to haunt me even when I barely knew this girl! I don’t know much details other than her real name, her approximate age and lastly her current location of which she made public on her Facebook account, last seen in the summer of last year.
How am I supposed to overcome an attractive emotional monster?
This girl indirectly taught me what I felt was love and how she (there were other girls before and after that did similar but) damaged my soul. This girl was part of my 1999 collapse, the time of my middle school inexpierence, finding out of my autism, and starting to feel hopeless.
I was no angel ether!
I know I can’t fix the damage, I can only go forward, I know I know.
I don’t get it. Sometimes I get flashbacks, and chills down my spine.
Why do I love girls who are dare I say “virtual”?
Responses on stories featured on this blog are welcome by emailing the publisher on the contact page. Such responses may be used in future stories.

OKCupid: “Love is Blind”

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OK CUPID is wrong. Here’s why:

OkCupid is shutting off the image service of their website as they tout a new app “Crazy Blind Date”. They are making a stupid decision. We need to stop this logic that “love is blind”. If it was I wouldn’t have to go through my annual sexual harassment class or Limited Brands’ Victoria’s Secret unit making obscene profit margins. OKC needs to be called out on their campaign that love is blind. In fact we need to advocate the fact of accountability and transparency. Showing PDA in public in the effect that couple aren’t seeing anyone else is wrong. If OKC was a stock, the circuit breakers would blow up like crazy because of the heavy sell orders.

Update: After 6:40 pm Eastern Time, the site is back online with non pixalized profile pictures.

Unhealthy Relationships

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If you are an early adopter to this blog back in August of last year, I’ve mentioned about the thought of “unhealthy relationships.”
I was in a special ed high school in Massachusetts, and the health lessons I learned, were not about physical – it was the psychological side of relationships. Some people believe psychological is junk science, and I tend to agree. I find psychology (often I say psych-o-logy) more like software for the human brain, but unlike technology, the real beauty is really hardware (physical.)
Psychology is not logical, and the only issues with that regard is “in the head”. Most often psychologists or people studying psychology never get taught any sorts of physical, or studying something about the human body.
As you will find out over time, I’ll be discussing all about the “virtual” side about relationships, since that was mostly taught outside of the home.
So today let’s talk about what is called “Unhealthy Relationships”
It basically means (according to the “experts”) there are issues with two people, in this example I’ll use a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Issues such as depression, lack of common interests, “esteem” issues or what.
Crushes can allegedly fit into this category.
I don’t remember the full details, as we were reading off a textbook and at that time I couldn’t understand or grasp such an abstract thought process. The textbook (which probably was PC, never mentioned about abuse, like physical, verbal or anything severe.) Also my hack teacher used film (i.e. the single season of Freaks & Geeks) as a dialogue to decipher the unhealthy relationships with the characters on that television program.
I’ve done additional research prior to writing this post, and I was under taught about that subject, and I’ve learned that “Unhealthy Relationships” is a serious manner, of such it can get pretty nasty, like sexual abuse, verbal abuse or even controlling one of another. In the latter link, they describe communication is a key to a healthy relationship.
I’m quite surprised that I got the childlike answer and not the dark description.
To this day I still try to remember what junk science I learned and never could apply other than I still can’t get how I was conflicted with trying to understand relationships with a teacher that never second-guessed her approach of teaching, like her taking away my rights to have love or romantic relationships other than I didn’t have a label other than Asperger Syndrome.
Supposedly the “experts” have believed people with PDD-NOS or a borderline functioning disorder had no hopes for a brighter future. They never thought, that their beliefs would backfire with the power of the World Wide Web and a blogger spending most of his time proving these  educated academia types wrong with limited success.
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Responses on stories featured on this blog are welcome by using emailing the publisher on the contact page.

The $cam Known as Valentine’$ Day

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I noticed right after Christmas, the retail shops started to move the displays of the Christmas goods, after some places had Christmas stuff right after Labor Day, and concurrently selling Christmas stuff along with the Halloween decor and candies.

So what was replaced?

Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day is the worst marketing I find more obscene than Christmas. It’s not a holiday per se, but it is a marketing machine that should make the Catholics upset.
And part of that is just the idea what defines “romance” what defines “love”.

  • Is it candy?
  • Is it cards?
  • Is it just simple admiration?
  • Should I give cards out to my family members?
  • Is it to do with solely on sexual intercourse?
  • Is having crush love?
  • Do we define girlfriend/boyfriend relationships based on the click of the mouse on their Relationship Status on a social networking website?

What is it?

I don’t know.

I do know that in the recent years, Valentine’s Day has accelerated out of control, and the definition has of course been redefined to a non-standard definition.

I will throw some rocks at Victoria’s Secret, Limited Brands, their parent company should be reporting some obscenely high profits when that quarter closes, and Barry Diller’s Match.com (which now touts only 1 and 5 relationships start on the Net) will report another obscene growth (since after all it costs nearly $200 for a subscription all paid in full on a one time bill) and he will never spin off the property, even if the site is well independently financed.
In no means, am I defending any means of welfare, or equality – but as someone who has been unemployed or underemployed, and someone who grew up by a single parent living in a privileged town where he himself wasn’t privileged, it just makes it difficult to find someone that understands my situation.

I do know Love can be a scam, and unfortunately it isn’t illegal by Federal Law to sell goods relating to  love or romance, as per to any regulatory authorities like the F.T.C., S.E.C. or the F.B.I. except you can’t do prostitution.

Wait? Isn’t whoring products about love considered in some degree “prostitution”? Then how come Limited Brands or Victoria’s Secret not getting any Federal investigation? The messaging seems to be clear, they sell underwear just so someone can fuck another – that I find illegal?

I find it illegal that Victoria’s Secret uses modeling agencies (aka subcontracting) that employs models that aren’t even American. Where’s the Feds on that?

I digress

I do find it technically illegal to be legally sell anything to do with romance or love. If only were I a prosecutor, would I love to legally  destroy companies that have destroyed society.

Suck that Alessandra Ambrosio and Mrs. Tom Brady!

Again I digress.

I just hate romance and every freckin Valentine’s Day since like 2003, its just salt in my wounds. I love bitching about this at this time every year to shut up all the slutty defenders of such day.
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Victoria’s Secret’s Redefinition of “Love”

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This world is falling apart. Maybe the Mayans were wrong. But our morals, ethics and standards may be at the end. I’m talking about Victoria’s Secret. Since The Limited has owned this entity for over a decade, they have lowered the social standards for America. Outside of the states, maybe people admire them for the beauty, but here in America they have lowered the standards and have made sex the new norm just like kissing and hugging are – yes sex is now in the lowest common nominator for affection!
This ad campaign they use during the Christmas holidays makes me sick. Watch it on YouTube (sinee VS prohibits embeds)
Tell me that you love me!
Why?
Are you desperate?
Do you mean that you want me to “fuck” you or sincerely like to fuck you?
Are you implying that that you are trying to seduce me?
To be quite blunt, seduce me any other time of the year!

The Ideal Girl

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My Ideal Girl - coming on Thursday
This will be a reoccurring feature  from time to time to show you publicly my definition of The Ideal Girl
These pictures were handdrawn, or sketched and enhanced through Photoshop, the latter is a new skill. You’ll see this work throughout this post. Also, the girl is the same, but again, various conditions caused this girl to not look consistent.
Continue reading →

Coming up on Thursday…

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I know what I’m looking for in a girl (even if I am totally dissing my hopes for a dream girl, as per to my Countdown, and current beliefs.)
I have an Ideal Girl drawn out and outlined to the detail!
My Ideal Girl - coming on Thursday
You’ll have to wait till Thursday when I uncover my Dream Girl. Keep Following and Stay Tuned!

A Fictional Story on Admission of Romance

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A story that is 100% fiction, and is slightly based loosely on my experiences with romance.
A guy has a crush on a cute girl. She’s about 5′ 3″, (taller with various heeled shoes) slender, long dark brown hair, brown eyes, with a nice personality. In the real world, its hard to come by. She works as a store clerk for a random retail firm.
The guy went to this store and saw this girl for the first time. The girl says “hi” and for someone like this guy he got fluttered and was taken off guard. As he was looking around of things he’d love to have, but can’t spend too much or he doesn’t have space for them (he is underemployed, and has to live in a certain amount to get disability benefits.) The guy’s heart started to get warm, and his hormones would start to fire up.
He leaves the shop, hoping he would see her again.
He comes back a week later, and starts to flirt with her again. (Turns out when he isn’t there, this girl flirts with other people.) Repeat that a few other times.
Well he came back one time, got a few things, and depending on the social protocol; he starts to say things like “I like you.” He can’t go beyond those three words. Another time he comes back, he sees her, and says something even more stronger. He blurts out inadvertently “I love you.” She didn’t like that statement, and started to feel threatened.  It was then, that he blew it, and that place was cursed forever, he decided to not go there anymore. This experience confirmed to his beliefs that love is too good to be true – if its too good to be true, then it must be.
He goes home to his room on the attic level of his mother’s house (lives in a “cape” type house.) and just cries to sleep because he can’t do anything right. He feels like he doesn’t feel like he has the entitlement of a romantic relationship, and in every previous experience was just a gawddang infatuation.
The End.

Would one be willing to fall in love with ASD?

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I’ve become more and more skeptical about any futures of being in love. I’ve never fallen in love with anyone, because there was no girl that was willing on her part to understand me and accept me for who I am.
Let’s try to see if a random girl could handle the following?

  • would she be willing to deal with someone who can be messy? (I explained part of that earlier today)
  • would she be willing to hear one pace around and be anxious at times?
  • would she be willing to hear about things she could not give a shit about?
  • would she be willing to hear about things she could not give a shit about – in a looped fashion?
  • would she be willing to deal with someone who sometimes doesn’t like to be too close to someone? (well I never could touch a girl -because that is more offensive, than a girl touching someone like me!)
  • could she handle my constant anxiety attacks?
  • and how could she handle someone who is unemployed and living with his mother? That turns off a lot of girls, who many in the 26 to 30 range have completed college and are making a HELUVLA lot more than what I should be making if I was “normal”!

I’ve asked the question, would a girl date someone with autism on other parts of the Web and got disappointing results.  I go and people watch, I try to flirt, only 1 and 50 random girls do that, Then trying to talk to a girl – its like – how in the hell can I talk to one and see if there is something? I’ve explained a week ago about another cutie I had written about, and finding out that painful answer.
Oh, I’ve gotten Facebook posts asking why just date someone who is autistic herself? Well, the cases are well male biased, and if there are any, they are likely taken since she will probably be in a relationship with an autistic/PDD counterpart. That doesn’t work out here. Same goes to all the ever so growing jobs for “paraprofessionals” in the twentysomething crowd. If they deal with them on the clock, do you think they’ll fuck with one literally off the clock? Thought so.
There are so many reasons why someone like me won’t be able to fall in love, the love is turning into hate because love can only work for so long, hate can be effectively eternal.