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My autistic disorder is not an identity, but it has become somewhat of who I am. Ironically people are not flinching when I describe myself as “hopeless”. The URL and title of this blog acted as a warning sign if people didn’t pay attention to see the tears, but then reacted too late after hearing the cries.

I was never into self-advocacy (now in 2024 as “activism” as a group, but more in into my day to day challenges in day programs for adults. As the system demanded me and my group to be in the community more and more, with the overall community (as well as the younger Millennial generation not understanding us) but yet I really do not relate to my group either. However self-advocacy at least in the last decade has gotten into politics, the state legislature, and overall politics. the messaging has gotten worse, and more and more voices are coming from other groups other than mine.

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Tying Loose Ends with the Cutie at the Coast

In the post I published before Thanksgiving,,with a follow up over a week ago, there was some loose ends to this story.

TMI

One is I may had published TMI, but I had to wrap this story with so much that was going on. In March of 2023, I was going through long bout of loneliness out there, in October of last year, the third time I visited, I felt there was there-there. As I discovered just recently that of all my years existing, that my brain often on the next destination, so while Portsmouth and base is only an hour or so away, when I was checking out, the plan was to go home or eat before heading back, so my brain was already on the Stubborn/Rigid/Core Bedrock of Personality that is the Interstate 93 Corridor that also includes parts of US Route 3, that at the front desk near Interstate 95, I was creeped out in my brain.

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The Cruddy Granite State Mental Health System turns 1 Year Old for fam (V2)

Editorial Note: I shouldn’t be sharing this, but obviously i am staying very generic as possible, to the point I am leaving state agencies out just so it doesn’t look so obvious. Second version corrects initial typos   

Somewhere in the largest city today; we went to see my family member transitioning from mental health needs to early stage dementia. It has been one year since they were brought in, quasi voluntarily. Ironically this family member wanted to go to this facility prior to and was turned away within a month before.

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To the young men out there…

Last week, my former support staff, whose male reached out to my mother hoping the relationship would be restored. This tested my commitment to say “no” and was going to end the email with such advice below to some young male who probably served in our country and maybe took a post-production job in Hollywood. The reason why he and I parted was “we” do not see eye to eye on the way of life.

This part of the email was removed for the sake of simplicity, but I wanted to share it here:

Ensure your mental grounding-pin is functioning. As the ol Apple documentation said “Do not defeat the purpose of the grounding pin.” That “ground”  is your mental sanity protection. Ground yourself in reality based on well-known facts. The best people are the most informed people. Learn something outside your bubble. Get out of the sterile environment and go outside your home be what humans are – social creatures. Respect technology as an assistive device, not to do the work [because he uses tech to communicate entirely with friends]. Mindfulness is a great thing to have. Asking a 5-W word (who what when where why and sometimes how) outside of a sentence is interrogation. Want to really know what goes inside of them, frame as a natural question. Be present. Be emotionally-there.  Filtration is a great gift to humanity, however our natural filtration is lousy. Don’t say things out of impulse because you can’t take the words back. Also, too many people break so many things, if you break it you ought to buy it. Take personal responsibility, if you’re going to take down a tree, better plant one in lieu of one. The most powerful people are the ones who regulate themselves emotionally… albeit there isn’t anyone that is well known because they are modest about their super power of self-control. We could use less statues. Admiration is as bad as impulses, don’t try to pull the curtain because you may not like what you see past it. 

The Recent Experience of the Cute Chica over in the Seacoast (V.2)

Editorial Note: don’t you hate it when you hit “Publish” but you still are writing as if it’s November and it’s 3 days into December? opps

The key experience with this chica is she was extremely, and may I emphasize authentically friendly than other guests that would be at desk. Year over year, I got the feels her authenticity was very evident, and not every guest got this treatment. While I said “you have made an impression with me” was never said back, only because I got the feeling that was likewise in verbal exchanges and the facial expressions.

From the previous posting on this subject

Today’s post focuses on two separate but equally important experiences earlier this month, as feeling hopeless was already a baseline I entered into November and relapsed given the month’s political developments, and even on the state levelit’s an antidote to accommodations to invisibly disabled, and something I think for the first time could be something above limerence. The title of the post refers to a specific female of Latin/Hispanic decent hence why she’s earned a nickname of the “Cute Chica”.

The First Day of November

Portsmouth at this point (unlike the other two times as research for relocating) was a mini getaway, and was anticipated to be the 2nd to last week of October as the weather and other family events may take precedence, given the long year for my family member. In fact, one of the reasons of such getaway I was also really missing my favorite chica, I actually prayed to see if I could get her number or ask her out and hoping no bling on her hands, etc. I can’t confirm if the prayers work as God is never available or comment at any time of publication, as the weekend went on I did feel something “divine” inside of me happening.

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Cute Chica in the Seacoast: “She’s Kinda The Friend You Dreamed of But Never Really Had”

What word salad as I was checking out and told the apparent new front desk gal who was only been there for 3 weeks to “protect her at all costs… she’s a keeper”. The Hotel Crush will be be described simply as a “Chica” because I know she’s Hispanic in nature, well I haven’t told you much about my fetish of Latinos, my dream girlfriend would be someone in that realm of the human race. My experience in Essex County, Massachusetts in an out of district program for 3 years says that plus I get really triggered when the stories of POTUS Trump’s Southern Border… so there’s some proof.

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Thoughts on The NH Council on ASD’s meeting

Not even a week ago, I found their Facebook page where they had a Zoom listen meeting last night. The thoughts and observations are my own, and not of those of the Council as an Ex-Advocate. The Council is part of the New Hampshire State Government, so from my previous understandings, is compliant to RSA 91a the state laws that govern public records/open meeting/open government law that something that Kelly (unrelated to Steven) Ayotte should know, but doesn’t, and she’s the Governor-elect. The meeting wasn’t recorded but I saw that it was automatically transcribing the meeting, so I may have said more than I initially thought…

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Editorial: the Psyche of Kelly Ayotte’s Fanboys and Fangirls

The Editorial Against Kelly Ayotte, will be a multi part series as writing the case against her would take nearly 2,000 words. The first version acts as a first-public-draft.

My original written copy began just six weeks before Election Day, as New Hampshire is under the impression that they are going to choose which direction the state will be heading. Kelly Ayotte started the border taunting in July of 2023 that “we are one election away from becoming Massachusetts”. Ayotte is misleading you, what she really means is projecting her power as “we are one election away to Stalin or Mussolini” with her tirade against people that aren’t like-her. Since this draft, Ayotte’s Facebook page for her campaign blocked access to The Hopeless Autistic.

People say New Hampshire is a “purple” state. I still say we are a “red” state. I love politics, as a “special interest” but I always loved to talk about the details and policy, not which side you are going to be on and being ostracized. I grew up in Londonderry, that outside the school district, was very conservative. Well I didn’t know how conservative people really were until I moved to Merrimack. At the time I relocated, it was nearly 23,000 residents (less than Londonderry, but larger in land by several figures),  but recently I read it’s closer to 30,000 residents, thanks to Londonderry bureaucrats leaving to push so-called “affordable housing”, that has pissed off the locals fearing their property taxes would rise.

The other issue is the locals themselves. It skews older, but don’t worry, they vote Republican. But not the country-club Republican types that you see in Londonderry. These are the Morton Downey Jr types, misfits, ecmonomiclly displaced, that really got permission to act very threatening during the Tea Party Movement. Their infantile paranoia is very common particularly with the Turnpike,  In case of the Turnpike the Downey Jr/Tea Party mess, was really scary to watch on public access. The anger of the town’s people against the State’s DOT was at the level that would be comparable to January 6th if there was a baseline back then. For ol obese men, they were showing their “passion” in public hearings.

The town councilors that are elected in March have no sense of governance, they come off as student councilors, such as providing time-checks when opening public comment, not understanding that minutes in time, and minutes in meeting summaries are not the same thing. The town management of recent history was extremely condsencding, a twenty something citizen was treated like as student while the management acted as the principal and the fake “Mr. [Bleep]” professionalism.

The level of immaturity of our so-called leaders was alarming. Some of the locals that I won’t name here come off entitled. They live on less than an acre of land and they feel entitled to burn trash in a tight neighborhood. Sympathy is barely low, Empathy is non existent, apathy is very apparent.

The level to outrage to any random issue only takes a few seconds. Factor the super secret private Facebook groups that enables anyone to say anything without any confirmation leads to rumors and municipal gossip.

While Merrimack doesn’t represent New Hampshire, and New Hampshire doesn’t represent Merrimack per se, it’s a good community of a snapshot of the extreme ends.

I want to end with this: I completely sympathize the nature of the blue collared nature of this town. However I do not empathize their justification of wild behavior in politics as discourse as the norm. Some of the members most extreme political discourse would polticize anyone else who would do the similar behavior, and be punished (see the 2015 situation with me and the local PD)

I am not saying that no town has politics, it’s when everything gets politicized…so now I come off mocking MAGA Country, but what about the donkeys?

#TransformationTuesday – Family Supports = Co-Dependent Supports (Or Even Worse Types of Relationships!)

In this installment of Transformation Tuesday, this one makes me really cringe.

I have written in the past about “family support”, why should a disabled child be only entitled to family as a support, as the state has pushed the Community Based Supports? Why should siblings feel the need to be obligated to take care of their disabled siblings at the expense of their own individuality, even if they deny or not even realize it? Why is it immediate family, what about the child’s cousins that don’t-get-them?

With the rise of autism moms, the so-called “sharenting”, the publications like the Age of Autism, and other mommy-bloggers like Finding Cooper’s Voice and Carrie Freckin Cariello it seems to me that it would be illresponsible to call out the bullshit that is “family supports’ and really call it co-dependency. While this clinical word is pretty clinical, and so few are aware of this mentality, I think mix in with co-dependent siblings and parents who almost make it a rite of passage to go to the courts the moment the hiarchial child turns 18 to get full guardianship so they can control their child like they’re a still a perpetual baby.

In drafting this piece, I came across this video last week from a podcast featuring Dr. Ed Adam’s, an expert on enmeshment. Also known as emotional incest or even covert incest. Dr. Adams even argues that emotional incest is worse than sexual in nature. If you see content from autism parents or Age of Autism those parent writers often talk about their now adult children with very personal details without much consent and not much guilt. There seems to be a fetish to the female audience about their autistic daughter’s menstrual cycles  as if autism could block menstruation or something perverted like that. Or another mom talking about their kid’s “crapisodes”.

These non-consenting children even if they have severe cases of autism, does rob them of any originality.

 

Editorial: This platform endorses Writing In Marilinda Garcia for New Hampshire Governor

With the political hell thawing like our polar ice caps, much like the change of climate… New Hampshire will likely burn to hell.

Unless you write in Marilinda Garcia, while she fell off the face of the earth politically as far back as 2018, her last whereabouts was in the Windham area formerly served in the General Court as a state rep. She’s 41 and probably has a family and may no longer reside in this state since the draft of this endorsement, research shows her socials has been lifeless since the 2018 midterms. And I (and my former minifig TV station) had monitored Marilinda for almost a decade.

Given she is a right leaning Latino, she has been hawkish on the border; is a solid conservative without the baggage of an authorative right winger. She has some strong hard right issues historically, but she doesn’t have a toxic personality and never seeked higher power the way so many did before. She lacks the personality like Chris Sununu and is much a cooler-chick than red hot menopausal Kelly Ayotte, but she at least appeared to be receptive, open to a certain degree and lacks the toxicities.

Just a couple weeks ago, Kelly verbally bit a person recording and asking about abortion  Kelly snapped like a real life coyote. Ayotte was not taken by animal control and person didn’t press charges for a handler covering the camera or the apparent verbal abuse

is this wasting a vote? I don’t like the direction of this state, I’ve written over 2,000 words how the Democratic Party of the granite state has give me the finger and Kelly blocked the Meta page which the Meldrim Thompson 2.5 in a dress will probably block me IRL too.

I am politically homeless and hopeless that New Hampshire will no longer be a state in America in 5 years. Our state has been a dumpster fire. Kelly (No Relation to Steven) Ayotte will make this state even more scummier than ever. At least Marilinda Garcia has ten times more class than anyone else in our political system.

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