About Clickford, Steven M.

Once I was told I had a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, 5 years after the initial diagnosis, it felt like a death sentence. I was never the same since. I published two wordpress.com pages, An Alleged Autistic from 2011-2014, and A Puzzling View on Relationships from 2012-2014 along with 2020:Hopeless Autistic (related to #NHpoli) from 2015 into 2016.

Are Activists Missing Something?

Earlier this evening, I was talking to the ol woman, and while I was waiting for our Domino’s order to arrive, I caught her up with the Zoom call with my therapist and mentioned the “political piñata”  and she mention how some people have an Utopian world view of black and brown people, disabled and women would be included in some dreamy way.

But I said something “why is.. it the people in crutches and wheelchairs?”

I understand that the physically impaired people had it really hard, and there is still improvements, but why are they having the cake and eating it too, while the invisibly disabled people are continuously not being “seen”?

In lots of these social justice movements, there is lots of hands up, or lifting up people, but it really begs the question, do they really want to be lifted or are they being propped up for one’s own political gain? Are these activists missing something here? Is there a PR issue with the messaging of their medium?

Also what the hell is “developmental disabilities” in 2024? Are many of these people just being lumped into the physically handicapped or the other way around via other types of dual- diagnosis?

When one really thinks about it, since the Civil Rights movements in the 1960s, we are in the situation where disability rights took much longer, but the disabled groups are broken into two, but the only one that is seen is the one that is more “obvious” and the more subtle, the nerodivergent type is not just singled out implicitly, they are completely shutting us out.

As a really strange example, how would say women feel if they were trying to be seen and the Black community tried to silence them in the 60s? For the present developmental delay that is impacting 1 in 30 people mostly males, and often more vilified than ever before, and with institutional experience of other civil rights movements in the past – why are people like me intentionally singled out, worse blacklisted, worse in a clown filter in the electronic world?

I am the rarity where I don’t use it as my identity but I am so hurt how when the identity is seen to many others as appropriate use, many others use it to shun. Why are we doing this?

#

Moving to the Shadows (The Mountain Region)

As promised a couple weeks back, I was going to start a series entitled Moving to the Shadows based on my own experiences of attempting to get out of Southern New Hampshire for a number of reasons, would bring more “hope”. If staying in the Granite State is a must, the best bet is to move to the border regions and into the “shadows”. The two most empathic states per to a Google search was Maine and Vermont, ironically the two least favorite states by me, Connecticut being the first when taking New Hampshire out of the equation, followed by Massachusetts and Rhode Island. Maine or Vermont doesn’t woo me, when I was a kid I chanted “I DON’T WANT TO GO TO FARMER-VERMONT!” Turns out, I wasn’t wrong.

Would I benefit? is there better “supports” in the “community”? Is this the coded messages that the Concord yakkers imply?

I wanted to be methodological if this was to happen. I have written about this before, but things have changed in my life which could cause different outcomes. Reminder, most of this is talking about relocating from an autistic who feels “hopeless”, If you want a typical view of what it’s like to visit the region, read towards the end. I did extensive research and still have an informal plan if I were to go forward with this (spoiler alert: it’s gonna happen.)

Continue reading

DSP Awards…(More Politiziation)

In about an hour (checks the Apple Watch), the Direct Support Professional Awards will be held at the State House Lawn. In the past, it would be held somewhere else. But for all those summer lovin’ folks, you’ll be happy, it will probably be in the 70s with abundant sun in downtown Concord.

But I wonder if this is dog-whistles of forced “community based” environment by supporting support professionals literally out in the community? Moreover, are they trying to send a political message to the Governor’s office and/or any General Court lawmaker who could be near the premises?

Pushing people out into the wilderness known as society, in the community – for some people with disabilities is just asking for trouble. For me I have had a record of bad experiences on my own, mind you. I wonder if the organizers are choosing to turn a blind eye to what could be going on with the clients, waiting, waiting, and waiting for their next activity or that some DSPs tend to get free time for errands by having a client tag along with them? Or how some clients are not really allowed to do anything they want, but are “challenged” or “persuaded” to do something different?

I just coincidentally came to age as the system got progressively worse, from the early 1990s to I’d say 2015; it was extremely agressive in a really regressive manner, the trauma of the 3 months in the so-called “traditional day services” was a problem, but seeing the full turnkey to “[fully and all the time being in] Community Based Supports” has been in ingredient for disaster, that no activist group or agency has admitted publicly how bad some of this “implementation” has been. Disability rights has gotten so politicized in the last 15 years. Who benefits? The “adults” in the room who are extremely immature.

What’s the difference between a DSP and someone in show business? Not much, both require massive amounts of ego. And if you’re allergic to ego, well appreciate that you haven’t died yet from all the reckless rhetoric from these people

Why I “Broadcast” Self-Desperation and how people cover their a-es

In September of last year, I reached out to a former day program manager’s personal iPhone number who was at that point considered to be a natural support. That individual ghosted-me and never had contact with me. After leaving a message of the tone described in the video, and a year went by after the two unit police welfare check… I realized what really happened.

Continue reading

The Granite State’s Largest Mental Health Agency that Can’t Do Crap!

Again, leaving names withheld to protect the innocent while not naming the agency in the Well Known Largest City in the 603….my own observations, my own opinions not influenced by anyone. This is one’s observations of a family member with a mental health issue with an early onset of dementia that is outside of the mental health system, that is another type of “dual diagnosis”

Continue reading

The Crappy Mental Health System in The Granite State

As per to the editorial policy… names, locations, likeness has been redacted to protect the innocent, if you know it, you’re in the area or know the biggest city and do some mental math..

If you thought the DD system was bad… well the mental health system is as bad if not worse…

Continue reading

Social Gatherings for Autistics to Typicals? Nothing here… move along!

In a undisclosed place I talked about a year ago, a place in Manchester is still sticking to their guns with clinical heavy social skills training and zero one on one support. The last correspondence via email was the top chick, boss-bitch like woman. As usual the reply said “sorry to hear about this” (again what is with Millennials and their lack of native medium sympathy, you cannot “hear” an email to the generation that hates telephony!)

What was her recommendation? Not supported or endorsed, but there’s a speed dating event in Nashua…

Continue reading

Death & Taxes (and burdons)

Recently, another family member that I mentioned early on in the YouTube days, passed away in August.

That family member was buried at the same cemetery as my grandmother, more on how and why that drama is sad is for another day.

However because the spouse and son plus the fiancee, counting my gram and nana and great grandpa, the space that claimed to hold ten, that the headstone engravers claim 8, is now down to 2 or 4 more.

Again the lone 37 year old in the lowest root of the hierarchy is feeling the emotions. The family member with a mental health now an early state dementia is unclear where they’re going to be buried. My mother wants to be buried with her mother.

My mother does not have a will yet, and my concern is that won’t happen; not that I want her inheritance but all the strings attached to my services not just my benefits. In order for that to work properly having the funds be in a trust instead, she needs three trustee types. Well those people aren’t that young either. One couple I do not trust, which is her fundamentalist friend; where her static world-view is on IDD is pretty much preset with no ability to gently challenge.

As I hear this stuff, I get anxious. Not having a disaster recovery plan a year ago, should’ve been a wakeup call. In fact loosing Gram was a disaster. I also temporarily lost benefits due to a misunderstanding on my mother’s end that caused the case to close as gram’s health was declining. Ironically, I would get a backpay of nearly two months, and screw up the Social Security, which lead that to ups and downs.

The benefits is one thing, the other was not having food to eat for a while. These were the nightmare scenarios I was freaking out several years before, fearing I wouldn’t have hands to hold when everything would crash!

Continue reading

The “Epidemic” of Apathy

“Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.”— George Carlin

I’ve noticed the rise of apathy for at least two decades, nearly a third of my life. In the oughts it was subtle, but obviously when things got politicized into the Tea Party and the rise of Trump, apathy went on a multi digit uptick.

It shouldn’t be a surprise when books like The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck was popular in the mid teens. When I bought the book for the first time just last year, while I was in Portsmouth, I wanted to get sick and vomit because I couldn’t believe i would be reading a book that despite having “fuck” inside the book where if I had a shot I’d be wasted by the first couple of pages, but just the cavalier nature of not having any sympathy of empathy as it’s being legitimized is the step into the wrong direction.

The apathy rose as Covid came to be. People were highly skeptical of the science, and didn’t care if they were super-spreaders or if people died. If someone died from Covid, it was written off as well shit happens. But a couple years later, as Roe was overturned, those “shit happens” people were all in glory that the right to live at all costs was going to be reversed. It’s not the baby’s fault for being created – even if it was caused by incest!

It shouldn’t be a surprise to see that people have no sympathy for preventing novel viruses to spread or understand that conception is not a tramp wanting to be a tramp. People do not care about history, or how something worse than a common cold can cause long term issues (such as long haul Covid) or the complex nature of pregnancy, especially when lawmakers are mostly men who forgot their vague “Female Anatomy” lessons in school many decades before.

CEOs and business leaders are completely removed from the products or services they produce. They care about pocketing “profits” and feel entitled to make millions on performance, not on actual quality. We put them up on a pedestal and respect them with their rizz. But even in non for profits, CEOs are put on so much sympathy when they lack the empathy.

Managerial people are the faces that most rank and file people will see, but managerial people have to ensure resources are properly allocated to the perceived better groups of people. This leads into caveman styled tribes, us versus them, leaving more division than unity, and will often preach unity through “team building” events to get the employees to buy into the manager’s delusion. Managerial types lack the understanding of what goes on behind creating a product or service, because they are fulfilling the need of a vice president or a CEO’s demands.

Continue reading