“I’d Rather Be Buried and Forgotten”

Of course my loyalists would say otherwise.

these words will probably not rot that much, like plastic, it will live on forever. It’s not that I want to live on my prophecy; or I need to be “challenged” in a far left way (my ex day program was extremely philosophical), there is underlying realities, with predictable outcomes that are beyond my control.

For instance if I were to pass today or tomorrow, who would feel the most sorriest for? Not me, but my mother, as if we are some packaged deal. I cannot name many people, but only a handful would feel sorry for me and my loss of existence. Would anyone from Ltown feel bad? They are as communal narcissists as you can get. They use me to leverage themselves, if only I knew this 5 years ago.

But I post things as if no one will read it. Again if I were to pass on tomorrow or the following day the people most concerned would be everyone around me, not me personally.

#

When the Dysfunctions Start…

… I start to kick, I start to punch and I start to throw. My rage kicks in. You can only expect someone to hold all emotions in without an explosion.

I can tolerate a lot of shit with an autistic condition, but when the typical people try to make my life more complicated, I mean for the sake of complication… what the hell do you think I am going to feel? The typical people take advantage of something that is neurologically complex because I can cope with it. But that doesn’t mean to indiscriminately pump and dump my routines and schedules!

No one should have to wake up every morning living life day to day and not having any short term goals for a week because the fat person in your life likes to just play games to make their lives bette.

If I haven’t kicked, and screamed… it will happen. No boundaries = total mayhem!

Narcissistic People with ANY AGE and ANY TYPE are DANGEROUS!

UPDATED AUGUST 9th, 2022: To reflect an insert of a bulleted paragraph near the end of the post

Amongst the self-admired stereotypes, narcissism is a personality defect in the inability to self-reflect and go home and think about what they have done. Like how the teachers at Seacoast Learning Collaborative in Brentwood, New Hampshire would murder my soul on a daily basis, and go home and wash their hands like nothing ever happened; or when they would children, kiss their kids to sleep and not realize they were stone cold :  (because if they were a man, they’d be an asshole.)

Continue reading

Where, When, How would I relocate?

I thought I’d take the 5-Ws Plus How and use only a few, and only ask once.

  • When? Sometime in the next year. At least by July or August of 2023.
  • Where? Portability and mobility is now more possible in the state given the changes to adult services. I could go to any of of the 9 other regions and my paperwork would move over with a simple change of login credentials. But that’s not to say that’s why I am relocating. I am relocating because the region I live in now would not be the coverage once I relocated. They had cracked down on this especially on the bordering towns, since I was one town over.

Most likely I’d be relocating the county west of me, or north say perhaps Concord, but the White Mountains region was forced to merge 3 area agencies during the cuts of the late 00s. That area covers Pittsburg, to Lincoln to Conway and on the western border of the state north of the Lakes Region.  Self dependency would be extremely required because if there’s a shortage down here, it would be worse up north.

  • How? I would survey the towns, and it’s agency and see if they match up. I refuse to go to any vendor ever again, and my staff are based out of the Nashua region, so for me to relocate, I would have to do extensive research.

Lastly, I guess the most annoy Five-W is why?

I feel I have grown out of Southern New Hampshire. This area is screaming of angry Caucasian people that would want my group better off – dead. I am going to be direct. I am not relocating just because of better services (if anything where I am now would be height of it) but I am not running away from my problems nor is this escapism the sole reason. I am extremely burnt out of all the heavy lifting to prove I really do cut short. Would I get “bored” in a a new locale? Perhaps, but I am “bored” being in this area anyways. Going to say Massachusetts or New York for instance would not be an option given the antiquated label and how Asperger’s opens doors, but even though I don’t fit the criteria (and there is so much beyond that) and who knows if the bluer states even take the most important data measurement, the Support Intensity Scale or SIS.

So am I a proud 603er? No, but going somewhere where there is an intent of better outcomes than where I live now maybe the best option. I can’t do this alone, the typical types have to come 1/2 way too, unlike what I didn’t do the years before.

#

The 32nd Anni of the ADA

https://facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0fuVMBWVonkkpdGwmJMZA3wdDC9bRPNTUm9J7KDdrQ3Qw7dEkTsac7nLTDV7Atww7l&id=445876045815220

how 32 years we come to further division. And how my words age like fine wine…i’ve come to acceptance ADA is DOA and IDD are 5th CLASS citizens. Move along…

Melanie and I’s Anniversary Pic

On August 1st, 2014, Melanie and I tied the knot.

Our relationship would last to February 14th, 2020. It was just past 5 years, an additional year plus from the average marriage in the U.S. (yes, the average is now 4 years!)

Melanie left me, before I ever wanted to leave her. Then over a year later, after COVID and after other events, she couldn’t take it no more. Just over a month after her 37th birthday (May 22nd), she ended her life on June 30th, 2021, 32 days after that was that anniversary.

I will never have a Melanie in my life, no one remotely close.

I love you to the moon and back… Melanie? Oh Melanie?

Escaping from Toxicity: Why Did I Open Myself Up to This?

I am introducing a new feature called Escaping from Toxicity; the real time; how-to of going away from a bad situation that is not an escapism per se, but also running for your life as the problems you were unable to manage becoming dangerous. It’s one thing to cope with smoldering fire, but if it’s an inferno and it’s going to take out your o-line, then you have to bail out.

I do not understand why I had opened myself up to toxic figures in my life.

Continue reading

Video: Being Bissell’d

This is the first experience since my day program where I had witnessed fingerprints of narcissistic abuse in the communal side of the special needs system in my state. (Meaning they are not directly involved with “the system”. Regardless, it further validated that people with special needs are more likely exposed to toxic people and getting sucked as you’ll see in the video.

P.S. there was no pun intended for using “sucks” later on in the video. 🙂

I’m Planning to Move Out and Away!

In the next 10 months, my goal is to move out, and away from the system and worse the horrific narc people in this fucking part of Southern New Hampshire and say fuck you bitches!

I don’t know how I can do this, but I like this to be a private goal. I am so done with being treated like crap and then be blamed for everything that’s said about me. No one else shares any responsibility. Ironically it’s women not just the men that are doing it.