Category Archives: 2022: #OutspokenAutistic (April ’22 – Present)

This could vary from literally being post-hopelessness or regressing backwards during the day. The former is the aspiring, but the former always creeps in. Like with any disability, an “invisible” one is an ongoing challenge, under reported, undervalued, and worse underappreciated. Also talks about recovering from narcissistic abuse is discussed in detail.

“Only Knew the Surface” – The Millennial Mantra Re: to ASD

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In that same DM a few weeks before, I had asked that individual who works in Boston media if they knew about ASD prior to (because that individual has a child with that condition.) The individual replied that they “knew the surface”. That individual is just over two years older than I.

It was then that phrase would be baked into my memory as long as I can remember. That’s what so many people know, just the surface, the big picture, the antidotes. Not the intimate one on one in-expierences they had seen as a passerby. This isn’t just a Londonderry thing, the freckin’ South Coast of Massachusetts isn’t exempt. Over one hundred million Millennial  aged people still despite April 2022 statistics of 1 in 44 cases these drunken mini-me Boomers still do not understand the complexities.

They are more open to LGBTQ and darker skin people (nothing wrong with that), just anyone who acts different (since ASD is “invisible”), is basically just an also-ran human being. That’s how I have felt like since 1999, and significantly in the 2008, and even worse in 2019… it’s a one way street of interactivity. Everyone judged me as that resource room kid, or worse they thought I’d be a meteorologist – even when I can’t stand mother f-ckers like Jim Can-Cantore, whose last work before TWC, as an intern was owned by Bob Kraft (WNEV-TV.)

I really had lousy “friends” too bad I can’t find any new ones in the midst of another wave of this pandemic.

What’s the Worse Run-in with Admission to Little Expierences?

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A job interview or a first date? I had doubted this in a DM on Instagram approx mid winter to a well-known broadcast journalist in re to mental health.

I’d say the latter, because with a job interview there is legal obligations to not judge someone with limited experiences (or let me just say… they can’t say it out loud.

The first date is actually the worse, because they can react, they can basically walk away in midst. Who knows. Since it’s not politically correct to say that women are easily triggered now, they don’t tolerate any type of man anymore. Women want perfection, they can drive themselves, they can be self sufficient financially, etc. They don’t want a mama’s-boy even if the individual wants to break those chains.

Um yeah… just make sure you keep your autism in check, and not say the first date is actually the first, because that would make your pervasive condition even more obvious. The dream-girlfriend figure whose all open and caring is no longer the standard.

The Obsession (From Others) on Being Around “Peers”

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Among the many things drilled upon me was the obsession on “peers”, typical minded people in my age group, quoted in some ways from the then-head of the Bureau of Developmental Services at the state’s Department of Health and Human Services aprox. 2014.

Many of these hacks really are like big government box checkers; that do not go on the frontlines. In this state where it’s libertarian and conservative, they are sure as hell authoritative and significant boundaries between the bureaucrats and the individuals; and that’s why I put them under “authoritative”. I call these hacks more like formal virgins who haven’t experienced life because they talk so much like a lawyer.

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Will there be a day of “Our Time”?

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The answer is a hard NO.

If it takes centuries or decade for civil rights 50 to 100 years on average; well then by that logic the next in line after women’s rights (now in doubt thanks to SCOTUS); people with physical handicaps will probably have “their time”. While some frown upon saying there shouldn’t be this “time” for say the dark skin population, or women or LGBTQ, etc. I will say this, “autism” is continuously being ignored; it hasn’t gotten past the basic awareness or tolerance, so for all those #ActuallyAutistic types who just bully typical people into compliance of accepting their autism, don’t hold your breath.

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The Perceived A-s Kissing – NOT OK for PDD-NOS

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Despite the antiquated “label”, I once had a high school friend, the one I had put in the 2012 Tell All for A Puzzling View who I identified as “2021”, it was part of an old handle of his AIM account. That individual has the Asperger’s side of the spectrum. He was a typical-male type. He even admitted this was his ol SOP, but when I was in last contact more than a decade ago, I noticed he would get along to get along and do anything to fit in.

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Documentary: From South School to Melanie – You’re Surprised?

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“I want my mother to burry me” – Steven

The family of Melanie commissioned an interview to do a Frontline-style raw interview that was used for over an hour of my backstory of my life, with a more sharper lens than prior before. That school in Londonderry, New Hampshire was the reason why my mother is who she is and how I am not who I am today. Thanks alot Room 112 or whatever the hell it was at the time.

“Boundaries”… not the victims of NPD… but Regulations…

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Late 2019

I started to see a change in my day program that I didn’t like seeing. This program is for adults 21 to basically death. This program does not take in anyone from birth to 3. Obviously the local Special Education depts take care of the developmentally delayed population. But the regulations that laid the eggs dating to the creation of The Hopeless Autistic started to roost by the turn of the decade. Because 2020 was the year of implementing “regulations” and compliance. The last day program I attended was probably the last one that had to implement the so-called “changes”.

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When there’s a push…comes a SHOVE!!!

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…and who gets punished? ME!

For many years I have been a victim (because I was a survivor in the moment) to people with not only an NPD like temperament but the Type-A, the antsy, always looking for something to pat themselves on the back. They really were not looking out for me.

On Christmas Eve in 2019, I had a conflict of a former support staff that was supposed to be a friend at this point. There was some irash statements, but when I went to the bathroom, my phone started to ring. This person was clearly a Type-A’s Type-A, immediately hit the phone button to call me, and left a message, then texted me, then I got a nice bigass lecture from a 50something woman ordering me around, I was forced to comply with “yes, I get you” kinda thing.

Ever since then this forward-thinking biach has ghosted me. But whose at fault? ME! Yet again! Whenever I felt push, I felt shoving back, because how would you feel as a woman of a man telling you what to do? Are you happy that I am a man so you can fuck me over?

That individual was of the many, many masculine types who wanted outcomes for their own gain. That pushing someone out of line would get me places. How would you feel as a woman that I pushed you around. The woman was really bossy and knew how to get an answer by asking specific and clear questions. I was pushed to be “very clear” and talk faster than a New York minute and even then I was still not enough to get their attention. There was always a catch, and there was always some caveat.

I can’t ever win. Pushing people what you want is never OK, but it was for many of my masculine types of women in my life.

To not completely write her off, she did help me through the maze of the system with being spiffy in my words. But I certainly did not appreciate the pushing as a motivator because the environments around me would not tolerate me pushing through sand.

That individual reminded me yet again my biggest disability is being a guy. And sadly of all the ladies in my life, only 5 or so did not have the Type-A/NPD signatures and yet I couldn’t work with them for long. I haven’t had a friend like that in my life. Why do I get the get the worse people? I didn’t ask to be a narcissist!