“The people in my life who I don’t feel seen or heard would probably say lots more things at my funeral. I’d be like: ‘why didn’t you say that to me when I was alive?’ That must say a lot about my upbringing”
deep thought
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Category Archives: 2022: #OutspokenAutistic (April ’22 – Present)
A Ten Year Follow Up on my Resentment to Millennials (They’ll Pass On as Useful Idiots)
I have written about Millennials on and off for the last decade plus, but I haven’t really followed up on this said generation that I technically fall into, but for the longest time I related to Gen Xers until they were worse than millennials and started to sympathize with Generation Z instead.
Can we call these 100 Million Millennials the Cluster-B Generation instead?
I still standby my belief to the point that I have said in other venues that of the 100 million or so Americans between the ages of 42 to 29, 80% should’ve been sent to a trash can of an abortion clinic. Millennials are extremely as narcissistic and unempathic like they were in their twenties a decade ago. What I’ve realized is…
The Saga with the #WindsorGirl
Part of an ongoing series
A couple Days later
Again on the theme of preventing transactional relationships, I bought an accessory and left not to long later as I didn’t see her, only because that first day was more of the browse, then this day would be the “shop” (I know cash in more time with sales associates!) Again as I have learned, the only way you can test relationships is not to buy anything at every time. For a learned lesson, consult the Buying My Way to Female Affection.
The Ongoing Story of Your’s Truly and a #WindsorGirl
I have discussed this girl since my first run in with this apparent sales associate Windsor – that chain boutique store at an area mall. Stories with Cuties At Malls have lead to dead ends, especially when seasons changed, almost literally. In fact, I got word in my second encounter she may end in a similar way unless I get more creative and and to chase her out of their doors! The story featured here doesn’t just take place at the mall, it goes back to the situations with my family since the spring. People who know me the closest should not be surprised I am really “Shopping for a Cutie”.
These narratives also should be a guideline on how to flirt appropriately with the presumed opposite gender that is female as apparently autistics are incels! I do not take any responsibility for others using my advice improperly. I outline explicitly how to get a girl to truly like you for both your feminine sympathy and some masculine energy.
In fact there is a video on this as a theory I posted half way between the first time I saw her, and the second time, which was over a month and a half apart!
There’s a lot of risk taking, just socializing with anyone is a risk, let alone opening up. it wasn’t even ten years or so ago, where guy going in a predominately female boutique store would be considered to be a creep factor. Young women from that time, would have their guards up. Flirting in even the sexual sense can be done without even being implicit, making a girl happy is what matters. I will explain this on each instance this girl is the subject.
The Windsor girl is cute, but her personality was as important as her looks. For all I know she has a boyfriend, or she may just engage on the surface. This story might be the end as I think it may be developing.
Aging is Not Cool – It’s So Depressing
I don’t like the fact of aging or being in second-hand aging. I remember my gram in her 50s and seeing things that I won’t share here, seem to be repeating with my mother. But my mother acts like she’s more like 70 (which is more common in Gen X for sure, I know too many of these ladies leaving 40 thinking they’re going to drop dead.
For me this is extremely emotionally taxing and very depressing, because any of my remaining youth and if a lack of any innocence remaining means I will have to be the caretaker of my mother sooner than later, which means I must sacrifice my own identity of potentially raising my own kids.
The rhetoric of “time flies” or “remember when?” or the typical menopausal woman-speak just gets so tiring. it’s almost as if they get more narcissistic as they age. The manosphere/red-pill crowds encourage procreation so their own offsprings and wipe their asses off when they get old. Wait isn’t being married to someone supposed to be doing that too? By those evil men says kids should be born to burry their parents is so demoralizing.
I know that 1/2 your age plus 7 is extremely controversial, but there is no one my own age, so why should I be blamed for at least trying to find someone that is at least above legal age and at least by this point born around the millennia to find a happy relationship? I am pushing for a Young, Cute and Sexy female in my life and a YCS figure that comes to mind is like that brunette, whose just as tall as me, skinny with a size small frame, whose so happy and jolly. She’s at least 13 years younger than I. But what am I supposed to do? All the millennials are not available that almost all of them are emotionally unavailable.
By going with someone reasonably younger, you can extend the menopausal time by at least 25 years, god willing!
Old people make me sad, makes me have to feel for them, and they’re an anchor to other people’s happiness. It’s getting to me.
May the Fourth of July Bring Personal Independence!
This Independence Day has been interesting to say the least. Banter with my mother has become the usual, and I don’t engage as much anymore as I have previously written.
Today I woke up aprox 7:00 am, and stayed in bed for an hour. I had a couple Toaster Strudels as the dishes haven’t been done for whatever justification. Attempting to not nag, I let it go for the fifth day of not having some cereal. She does the dishes, at least that’s what was agreed upon since it’s been over a year the dishwasher broke, just out of warranty.
I went in to the living room about 8:30 to watch some second rate show on the Science Channel with pretty-boy Mike Rowe doing the sound on tape or SOT for the narrations. I stayed into the 9:00 airing, then went back to my room to take almost a complete nap as I was tired after 3 weeks of my bedroom makeover, that is still not finished, at least 85% of it is.
Taurus Mother, (I don’t Take Astrology Literally… Only When Necessary)
Part two of a previous narrative
I took this in between mother’s birthday of April 25th and before Mother’s Day. I don’t support believing in astrology as a primary form of judgement… this magnet alarmed me more about folks that are Taurus that isn’t just hot headed. Things like “self indulgent” “materialistic”, “self centered” , “self righteous”, “jealous and possessive” This is now more of my mother.
I sometimes wonder if this happens when a Taurus ages.
I know other people who are Taurus too, and they live on their astrology, but the irony was I would bitch about my Taurus mother to the Taurus support staff then I’d rather her to my Taurus mother, which was almost like I was living a threesome!
It’s not really funny when you live in it. It’s not to say as a Pisces I do the same stuff, but I would argue its a state vs. situational. I could be a hot head if I deal with the same sons of bitches that don’t get me, but if I indulge, I try to be responsible. In this magnet I found at Newbury Comics, all listed descriptors described my mother, and again not that I take astrology literally, only when it hits you.
“Hangry Dinner” (Mother Bitching and Refusing to Take Stock)
Our conflict has been known early on as “typical adolescent/parent” dynamics according to “Doctor” Teresa Bolick. Now I look back and saw through the implicit bias against the hiarchial child. For years I’ve been drilled in the “go with the flow” logic when “zigger-zaggers” happened with scheduling. I felt for so many years I’d be pulled by strings and was unable to think for myself because my mother did all the instructing, I mean “programming” me.
She keeps on prodding things down my throat. Such as my mattress and pillows where I cling onto it longer than it needs to be. I guess I’ll be going to Bob’s Furniture sometime soon. But apparently it smells and I know it’s not the first time, but then my mother will then dilute the argument and say she has the same thing. But she had to throw the pillows into the smelly mix narrative today. Ok, I get it, but I won’t tell her why I don’t because she’ll dismiss my reasonings. I should’ve washed the pillows in some capacity during it’s over used life. But I am tired of being controlled because I had been disabled to think for myself.
I bought burgers more than a couple weeks ago, and bought onions and lettuce (yes I am trying to eat greens!) and that was delayed, delayed and delayed because my mother was concerned she had to seriously clean the grill, then she got a some stomach virus and so it got delayed to lunchtime today, then it got delayed until 5:00 pm because she was working through the lunch at home.
Then I got jostled in the brain when I was about to cut the onions and lettuce on the stove to which I said “Jimmy Crickets” (the other name in vein) which triggered her and I admittedly said out of the blue that I was disoriented and didn’t applause at that point. I already apologized for not closing an internal drawer in the fridge no less than a minute before.
After getting doused in gaslighting, after the burgers were cooked, I suggested we eat by the pool. While I savored the meal, I heard my mother moan and bitch about work today and her Teams call she had to be downstairs for. She was moaning and bitching about how one co worker was out but the boss wanted everyone else to be on the call, then bitched about some form of in house survey conducted while my mother was on bereavement leave, but never realized that the reason why she missed it was because she was not monitoring emails. I asked one challenging question to her theory of mind, of which I can’t even remember. I let her bitch, but of course if I do the same, I expect the masculine “fix” approach of generic advice that wasn’t solicited for.
More in part 2.
Loosing Gram: 9 Months later
Just as the standard FYI meets CYA: the opinions below are my own and not of those of family, and stands by of a strict no-family discussion in detail unlike the Age of Autism unless there is a justification
The fall solstice will mark the one year anniversary that my gram is no longer with us. I really kept things silent to let the thoughts marinate in my head before I start putting into words. Yes was I shocked at how quickly her health decelerated? Yes. Did I feel sympathetic during the early hours of her hospice care? Oh hell yea, I think her “restlessness” was her fighting to stay alive. Do I remember happier memories? Oh hell yeah, in fact it not even several weeks before?
Ongoing Issues
I am struggling as a hierarchal child, again an adult child that has an expectation to out-do the parents of said child. I don’t think it’s appropriate to use the word “child” alone. Just look at the Murdoch clan, and how all the media writers call Rupert’s offsprings “his children”. People must be a real fool to believe that Lachlan and James are toddlers running News Corp or Fox Corp for that matter. Well that tells you right there that a) the kids;… I mean “children” are extensions of Rupert and are never going to be a reflection of his life.