Short Narrative:
This was the last scheduled Monday on Aly’s part and was really unprofessional with her honesty.
The Log: Last Monday with “Aly”… According to Her! (12-30-2019)
2
The Log: The Cry for Help to the Secondary Manager at the Day Program (12-18-2019)
Two days after that incident, I need backup. The reply negated any concern and wouldn’t allow me to transfer. This manager left during COVID.
I need to be really serious. I have not overstepped authority recently and request to intervention with this high severity. I desperately need your help, you know me for almost 3 years, you have more sympathy to my needs, and you would address them if you were still at [primary office]. I can’t overwhelm your time, but I have to…I need to inform you of what is been going on. It’s time sensitive and I would love a response at the earliest to try to not let the situation from the management continue to fester.
The last thing I wanted to do is send an email. I was going to wait for a reply from you, but Aly responded (on the very bottom) this morning with some pretty strong statements indicating she’s wants to bail out with me. I had to get on top of that subj before things got worse.
The Log: *The* Issue with the Day Program (12-16-2019)
This was actually based off a 2019 post about management. And the same day where I trashed many of my Facebook-friends, by blocking them and their S.O.’s profiles
Short Narrative: Conflicts resulting from an email from the previous week
Long form:
Attempted to begin to work on the newsletter, Aly mentioned that “Jackass” would come in at 9:30 to discuss the email. I started to make remarks where I defended the reasoning of the email, and Aly was cutting me off (i.e. not listening), I started to get loud, and Aly responded that “I do not appreciate degrading emails”. Aly refused to listen to how I felt being not heard and felt like “the only adult in the room” last week being attacked.
The Log: Starting to feel Abandoned by 1 on 1 DSP (09-17-2019)
Short Narrative:
Contacted Program Coordinator/DSP reminding their responsibility in providing meaningful support in the 1 on 1 sense. As of October 1st, zero reply. [This was also 2 months after being promoted into management]
The Log: Steven Closes Up Vulnerabilities to 1 on 1 DSP (04-22-2019)
Long form notes, emails, conversations:
* * refers to implicit language, ” ” marks are from staff < and > remarks ofs your’s truly.
<No longer going to be as open because I don’t feel you validate me.>
*”Aly” validates *
The Log: Being Bissell’d (11-13-2019)
Not from my database, but even with text documents, I put dates on the filename for protection of the narrative’s integrity. This is classic narcissist’s way of sucking you into a situation without consent.
The Log: Documenting My In-Expirences in Real Time
After my last day program problems in the period of the Hopeless Autistic, I started to do documentation, one for my own accountability, and second to see how long a turnaround of tasks would take. I started to use Filemaker Pro and realized very important to document things.
The first version was created and went live in mid 2017; an update occurred with a new database in 1Q of 2018. In this verison, there is more than 400 Tracking Numbers, that have specific events. The Related Tracking Numbers or RTNs were cross-references (manually) to other instances (or later would become incidents.)
The FileMaker Pro database logged almost everything in my life- even for positives.
Sadly the FMP database was the crash course of what was it like to experience narcissistic abuse. In fact, people who are recovering from said abuse are often the ones that document like crazy. Most often, I had taken my MacBook and used TextEdit (sometimes Microsoft Word would slow things up.) On a good day, you got a paragraph summary. By 2019, when shit hit the fan, the documents would be line by line, play by play, real time transcriptions of the exchanges of the pissing matches of the ex-1 on 1 (“Aly”) and later the hack manager who I call “Jackass”.
The turnaround time or if an event a situation got re escalated you updated the dates and make an note on the Short narrative
This was extremely critical to refer to this database when processing the abuse I went through and sadly without tooting my horn, I came out as the lone “adult in the room”, a phrase used throughout this situation. It obviously ended on March 13th, 2020, as the pandemic started to get concerning. They knew that I would take time off, and as a result they didn’t have the class to tell me that they would not renew my services scheduled to lapse in April, until I sent the letter of “not renewing” in May, of which they responded.
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The Man-o-Fest
An ongoing series of the men that were in my life, and the reasons why they aren’t in my life. As an adult male, I do not trust my fellow peers in my gender. Men are like scary machines to me. The men I know only care about status and control. Some of this toxicity has bled through the many masculine feminine figures that had been in my life. This will be it’s own category and an ongoing feature.
Unrequited Love…
Also known as, “limerence”, “infatuations” or just “having-a-crush”
They say one way relationships is better than none. I still agree to that. Even if it’s unhealthy. Even if it’s self-destructive (hell since that is an autistic trait…I shouldn’t be surprised!) Even if it makes you feel worse. At least you had the audacity to show some respect and the other was a jerk about it. Well into my thirties, and still feeling like I am in the world of A Puzzling View – but of course I apparently made choices – and so I must take responsibility of being single forever.
But don’t let a boy stop from staring through a glass of his pretty girl whose as plastic as a mannequin literally admiring her inner beauty as her outside is just as attractive. She’s so heartless she won’t even notice someone is staring at her with admiration!
“Only Knew the Surface” – The Millennial Mantra Re: to ASD
In that same DM a few weeks before, I had asked that individual who works in Boston media if they knew about ASD prior to (because that individual has a child with that condition.) The individual replied that they “knew the surface”. That individual is just over two years older than I.
It was then that phrase would be baked into my memory as long as I can remember. That’s what so many people know, just the surface, the big picture, the antidotes. Not the intimate one on one in-expierences they had seen as a passerby. This isn’t just a Londonderry thing, the freckin’ South Coast of Massachusetts isn’t exempt. Over one hundred million Millennial aged people still despite April 2022 statistics of 1 in 44 cases these drunken mini-me Boomers still do not understand the complexities.
They are more open to LGBTQ and darker skin people (nothing wrong with that), just anyone who acts different (since ASD is “invisible”), is basically just an also-ran human being. That’s how I have felt like since 1999, and significantly in the 2008, and even worse in 2019… it’s a one way street of interactivity. Everyone judged me as that resource room kid, or worse they thought I’d be a meteorologist – even when I can’t stand mother f-ckers like Jim Can-Cantore, whose last work before TWC, as an intern was owned by Bob Kraft (WNEV-TV.)
I really had lousy “friends” too bad I can’t find any new ones in the midst of another wave of this pandemic.