Tag Archives: Relationships

Relationships w/ Redundancies & Independencies

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Today’s post can easily be taken as a business, technological or investment advice, but actually – it has to do with relationships.
I come from a small, but pretty tight knit family. That on the piece of paper might sound sexy, but in the reality in the bigger picture, and as time goes on is actually bad.
My mother had me more than 2 decades ago and basically has said on a number of occasions that I was the “best thing that happened to” her. Ok that’s nice and flattering, but that same mentality that went into my childhood, into my teenage years and into my adulthood sorry looses its relevancy. Why? Because my mother has admitted recently that she overprotected me. Factor that, and knowing my father was absent in my life then my mother loosing her high school friend, I guess she started to build her life around me. Then basically my life was built around my mother.
Is there something wrong in that picture?
The answer is “yes.”
As you probably learned in school if you are around my age, you are not supposed to be overly reliant on anyone, or depend on someone to love you or to live them. You shouldn’t be spending your entire life around one person and revolve around you two ether.
What if something happened to your family member, or even your loved one? I knew a guy who worked in my school who actually lost his wife unexpectedly. They went to lunch and said goodbye and I love yous and then got a telephone call from a hospital that she died (something like a heart attack.) He actually got so depressed he actually went psycho. I don’t know what happened to him. My school I used to go to doesn’t employ any of the staff I was close with anymore. They are all elsewheres in life. Anyways He was kinda chickie like guy, depending on his wife to do everything.
Ok, enough with independency what about redundancy?
You should never have just a first tier of social circles. It’s just like baseball or football, you should have second or third stringers and make sure those stringers have enough experience on the field just in case the first tier fails.  Can I say Tom Brady? You’d know what I am talking about If you have watched a few New England Patriots games.
For example: instead not just having one friend, or one BFF; take into consideration to have maybe two or three.  The average in my household is actually 2 – too me that’s unhealthy, but it shouldn’t be like 500 ether. Maybe 6 would be the best. Redundancies come into play in case one of your friends gets too tied up with a girlfriend or a wife, someone getting knocked up and then has to put 100% attention to the kid till s/hes 18, or even a job can distract someone.  By spreading out the risk to other people who might not be in a similar situation is strongly recommended. This requires your social circle to be as diverse and fault tolerant as possible – which goes to your advantage.
Having multiple levels of relationships and levels of backup and social failovers are the best way you can live your life healthily. It’s the same of putting too many eggs in one basket, or a Swiss Army Friend, they can do a lot, but if that one fails, then you might fail as well.

The State of Affairs for Autism and Relationships

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There is a bunch of problems going forward for the next five to ten years for autistics and the “leadership” thereof about relationships and building friends, etc., etc.

To go into further detail of that statement; we face problems such as trying to fit every possible individual into one unified group instead of unifying 1 and 88 people with autistic or pervasive developmental disorders; secondly the research and assessment (or diagnoses) often compares us to the normal functioning peer groups; which is also an unfair and inaccurate portrayal to the autistic community.

There are a bunch of people who go around the world to speak about autism, to lecture about the subject or even speak badly (even with it being unintentional.) This problem is also a multi pronged issue too. One is the lack of editorial judgement when delivering these messages to the public; secondly the medium is the message; especially in the world of the Web and social media; and how the people take these messages. I’ve said in the past that for a long time people in the Millenial generation (born from 1977 to 2001) were the most intolerant generation of people with developmental disabilities; however that number is slowly going down – but not a lot. The problem here, is those numbers are becoming tolerant because of a career path they have chosen, not really because they want to be tolerant from the heart.

And the last point is what becomes the most dangerous part for ANYONE with autism; the message, or the medium may mislead these future professionals of the special needs industry; there is still some mixed messages that all autistics are mute and dumb, and often they are lost little bastards; and often its boys; because its only boys who are bad; and its only boys who are into science and math; and again guys are socially retarded; and that all autistics shall not have a life like everyone else because of their alleged social dysfunction; and they really should be friends with their neurological peers; and shall not even have the chance of getting married and having offspring that might reproduce another autistic.

The entire boldface was the subliminal or innuendo messaging of what is taught in college, or in professional development (bitter people training.) There is a lot of psychobabble about “social pyramid”, “social capital”, “social this” or “social that”. And many of this BULLSHIT has anything to do with social skills!

So in closing, the state of affairs for autism and relationships are bleak and will have a dark future. Not because “progressives” want to make a movement for change and acceptance; its really for people who want to be career mothers or career slanderers to make blaintely false and misleading statements that all autistics are bad, all autistics should be sent to Laconia or a state that still has a state school for developmentally disabled people. And yet we have to settle with the fact of “they are being honest” and “they are telling the God honest truth” but yet if I make a “God honest truth” I’d be charged for hate speech even if there isn’t a  hate speech law in my state.
The only option is to settle with the “facts” with the hopes these people will die to hell sooner rather than later.

News Alert!

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breakingautistics
 
It really shouldn’t be a Breaking News story where the newsroom bell shouldn’t go off.  Your heart had already been broken when you were in school age, and even if there was an off limits romantic relations with your teacher, even when you are an old adult, special needs professionals of any age group, would rather work with your types “on the clock” and then not want to be in any relationship off the clock, hence the second tier in this mock lower third.

Relationship Status with Databases: It’s Complicated

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There is more to relationships than just girls, friends, family etc.
It’s something called a Relational Database System or RDBS (or something like that.) Plain English: think of Oracle, Microsoft’s Access or Apple/FileMaker’s FileMaker Pro. In the basic sense almost all of our data we use (even how our WordPress blog stores our content) is in a form of a database.
Now if you have a skills of a database admin (DBA) than yeah for you! Its a nightmare for someone like me who has a hard time dealing with black and white – in this case databases. Often my types of people struggle with the “gray” manner.
Databases require a LOT OF black and white logic. Even in the days of the mouse drive Graphical User Interfaces or GUI, you’d think it be easier.
Well not so for me.
Relationships is a key to integrating other databases or other datapoints together. If I want to pool a general ledger database and tie my payables DB and my receivables to make that general ledger, it would require me to create a relationship and run those damned algorithms and other mathematical crapage to do just one task.
Its just crazy how RDBS is in almost everything we use and you don’t even realize. Back 10 or even 20 years ago it was in those logical setups like the billing, the customer service, etc. but now its used from executing those “lower thirds” on your newscast to most modern websites (and you wonder why your laptop suddenly became a fire hazard…)
It’s crazy. I have a hard time engaging a relationship with databases. It’s just too complicated.

Curently Reading

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I found this book at my local Barnes & Noble in April and was trying to get the time to get the book without some form of a gatekeeper finding out that I got a book on sex and/or relationships. I got it at a discount because it was on clearance shelf outside the store (I actually wasted 40 minutes trying to find the book in the sex section, to then find the shelf side terminal to find books that said it was in the humor section; to then give up and go outside where I found it.) It was on a deep sale (and they had a ton at the checkout area at the time I first saw it in April.)  It appears to be a funny quirky in the definitions of sex and relationships and I’ll take the time to read it when I am watching Catfish in a few minutes.

I’d like to expand my library outside of the hundreds of technical, computer, telecom and business books and have a library of sex and relationships – by my bed’s headboard! Why not near a intimate location to place intimate subjects?

Autism + Relationships + Mixed Messages / Slander = Total Confusion

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Relationships and autism doesn’t always gel well. Some of that has to do with ones wiring of the brain like if part of the brain is missing a circuit board.
In some cases it gets unnecessary confusing in ones’ teenage years.
Why do I say that?
Its because we have people who claim to be knowitalls on autism (using Doctor or PhD) in their names, and sadly because of their status, they think they have an open license to start making blanket statements about that everyone with autism are all boys, they are lost, they can’t talk and if they are high functioning they are all geeks who like computers or gaming and they are all 5 ’10 and are fat bastards because they are given anti depressants out of will in a semi criminal fashion.
What I mean by that is that in any legitimate workshop on autism, the above stereotype is often used, indirectly albit. It’s hard to describe it because there is a lot of subliminal messaging in terms of autism awareness. Some of those cases, can you know come off as scare tactics. Some are just plain ol slander and some are just claiming to tell the “truth” (insert your aging estrogen bias here.)
The problem is instead of trying to act fair and balanced (read: the equal opportunity offender), there is always a focus on the negative, and some cases blaitent attempts singling out these individuals, because of the subject manner. Earlier this year, a workshop took place in my state. February 14th to be exact. Great timing, right?  The workshop was entitled “What Does Love Have to Do With It?”. The pamphlet (which is on the World Wide Web mind you and likely to be indexed forever!) puts a damning catch:

“This workshop is appropriate for parents, professionals, and paraprofessionals who have a working knowledge of autism spectrum disorders and common strategies for teaching social cognition and communication. It is not appropriate for adolescents themselves.” – Pamphlet of this workshop on February 14th, 2013

What sensitivity, if was ever any thought?  The speaker, a well known psychologist, that comes off as  a knowitall on Autism, basically singled out the population just only “adolescent” age group and only for the coldhearted professionals of the autism biz. Who in the hell gave this a green light? Where was the assistant if this speaker even has one? If I were the assistant, I’d be like “what the fuck are you doing?” and smacking the ass! And this speaker, doesn’t give a shit if she is messing up ADULTS with autism with the mixed messages and the fear tactics, since the profile states she only deals with children and adolescents!*
*so she can mess up the younger folks and fuck off the adults suffering with mixed messages with love and relationships, the 25 year olds that got raped by the abuse of liberal union thugs – fuck those bastards they are illerlevent!
If I was the local AG, I’d throw the books at a boatload of women as Level 3 sex offenders. The University of New Hampshire Durham has plenty of anti social jerks and a majority of the college girls there are mostly skanks –and don’t dare you tell me that’s just you know “3%”  of the student population! Hello, Facebook! Facebook exposes the REAL majority of sex offenders! Yes a slut in my opinion is a Sex Offender. I hate using the word “slut” and “skank”, but when there isn’t fathers controlling their daughter’s estrogen and teaching them how to effectively use their sexual power, the degrading words DESERVES MERIT!
Speaking about the Internet Protocol, it is taught to autistic to be careful what you post online? And yet I am assuming this speaker never thought of any guilt or remorse of doing a workshop on Saint Valentines Day, and knowing it was planned to begin with.  If there was another date, it should’ve be done because, yes Virgina – there is a such thing that perception is reality and teasing, YES teasing the fact one is doing a workshop and yet, yet its about autism and love/relationships, but the next breath it says not for the “individuals themselves”?
ARE YOU FUCKING ME!!!??????
So, to make a statement that PDFs do not rot, I’ll post the original tease of the workshop on MY blog to show that people should not only think twice of what they should be posting, but also think before you act. Think before you commit a date and do not, and DO NOT make a sissy excuse like oh it was just coincidental – nothing personal.  That’s the oldest trick in the book in CYA. Some autistics are like Google who will never forget or EVEN forgive your intellectual stupidity! Think twice before you tease the public and think before you paint a slanderous image of autistics, because there are people who are trying to make us like creeps!
If it weren’t for these types of people, this blog wouldn’t exist. I don’t know if I should be thankful or pissed or both. You decide.
*

The Problem Exists Between the Man and the Woman’s Mind

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*Don’t take that title the wrong way, that’s why I used the phrase “mind”
In the information technology or information systems world, there is an acronym called PEBCAK or Problem Exists Between the Chair and Keyboard. Sometimes people will call the helpdesk, or submit a ticket electronically, and when the IT or IS admin comes to the user, and the problem can’t be reproduced, they’ll blame the operator, hence PEBCAK.
Turning the analogy around back to the relationships world, I sometimes wonder the reason why I don’t have a social circle is because of me. I am pretty quick to attribute the problem to women. I guess social standards still are against men, that they are the problem, and women they are just perfect.
I have had been told by strangers on the Internet that maybe it’s just my own fault about feeling various ways about romance, girls and then some. I always try to feel considerate to the naysayers (even if they are anonymous.)
But do I have a case, or do I not? Why is it OK for women to badmouth men, but when men do it its socially inappropriate? Why is it ok for girls to bite boys heads off in high school but if a guy does it he gets in trouble?
Is this a reversed double-standard?
I need to take a cold look at myself in the mirror. Maybe I am just bitter for no reason. Maybe I made it up and not realized it. Maybe this view in society was just a very long and bad dream. I should own up any mistakes I have done in blocking my expansion of my social circle.
Afterall, they say that the woman is right, no matter how wrong she could be. Always assume they are right.

Busy bodies and busy Relationships

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It’s rather interesting how people today are lacking relationship skills and not just social skills ether.  I blame this on airplanes, the Web and just the acceptation that its okay to screw someone and jump around jobs like its no ones business.
I’ve been using Match.com for nearly a couple of months and I do not like to engage a user that lives in New Hampshire but lived in Colorado for a decade or someone who lives in Boston who came from the Midwest and loves everything about Boston. Simply, I know there is more to New England than the City itself. I love Springfield, Hartford, Providence, Burlington, and Worcester! Isn’t that a surprise!
(Of course, I withheld Portland or Augusta because Maine sucks – I’ve  been there enough to say they are weirdos and hicks – that’s why I don’t visit there that often!)
I digress.
However, this kind of busy lifestyles doesn’t work well with someone who has difficulty transitioning from one place to another. I rarely moved in my lifetime, only about 3 or 4 miles of where I spent most of my first 23 years of my life. When I was 23, it was about 12 or so miles that I moved from the previous town I lived in.
The problem in three words? Lack of  Loyalty.
I grew up in New Hampshire, and traveled around the region, I wouldn’t trade this area for anywhere else. I have some, and I say some pride of where I live. Many of my peer groups does not have such level of some respect.
And this to me is a problem. The Millennial generation (i.e. the synthetically autistic types) are still acting like teenagers as some in this generation are 36 years old. For some reason we have allowed the vast majority of the normal functioning population to act like autistics while my group are expected to function as normal as possible. Which explains why marriage is much later and having children at a later age is happening. Dare I say having a child in their 30s can cause birth defects or even disabilities like autism. Even worse north of 40? These childish people are relying on unreliable technology to have children at a later age.
Again, I am probably making a low educated opinion on this, but craved stability since middle school. Even when I rarely moved physically, I went to several schools in almost every 2 years.  The staff in the schools had a very short shelflife too. Again, they were the twentysomethings figuring their lives out with the most mission critical job required of such lack of responsibilities. On top of the very young age, the other excuse was “they need to start somewhere”.

I feel sometimes I’ve worked in the local TV news business, when one’s job security (historically) was lot worse than other jobs like working in the public sector, the phone company, or corporate jobs, and if someone got randomly fired, their career in TV news was actually “cursed”.  The Special Education world worked much like a particular Boston news station, and to use such analogy is pretty pathetic. Because no individual should feel like their classroom is a newsroom of a revolving doors of producers (teachers) or director (executive management) while the child (student) is like the viewer witnessing dysfunctional news operation.

Though I feel that loyalty the lack thereof is a roadblock to future relationships for me. How can I get “locked into” a relationship if the girl wants to move to California or Houston or some other random place in 2 years?
I can’t live such life anymore. I can’t imagine anyone living like that.

Friends, Girlfriends and Relationships

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As you know – when it comes to almost any type of relationships – for me, its Greek, a foreign language. That’s why there is a blog about relationships published by yours truly!
Some of this has to do with conflicting social protocols. What am I talking about? I’m talking about when a friend of your’s gets into “A Relationship”. I’ve heard from many people that when someone gets a boy or girlfriend their relationships around them start to shutter. Supposedly, they spend a lot of time with their girlfriend, or Significant Other (S.O.)
I cannot personally confirm this since I, myself have never been in any romantic relationships.
What I do know is this: when someone enters into any romantic relationship – they shouldn’t be shuttering the other relationships they had prior to. To me when one falls in love, they become selfish, lack of respect to their friends (dare I say “single” friends) and the whole relationship with the friend changes. Can I say narcissistic?
In today’s society we have already accepted the fact that we can’t fight the mass numbers of selfish, self entitled, narcissistic, me, me, me types.  I have had to deal with these types for so many years, and sadly I have settled to accept the fact that there really aren’t that many caring people to begin with, worse when they become in love.
I can’t run away from the puzzling world of relationships, can’t I?

Dogs

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My family doesn’t like dogs. I won’t say they hate them, but they don’t like them. My folks have a strong case of OCD (as well as undiagonsed cases of ASD) and since dogs are dirty and can sometimes be unruly, I have been raised to not really like them.
On my Match.com journey, there are many girls on there who ether have dogs or demand that their date likes dogs. And some of these girls are probably 70% compatible.
Who woulda thunk that “man’s best friend” would be the dealbreaker finding my future best friend? Oh wait, I wasn’t meant to have someone in my life. I was here for my mother and she’ll probably be around till my dying day (gawd willing) since my mother had me young. And I forgot,  no “normal” functioning girl wants to date a guy with autism.