The Fear of Being Happy

I don’t want to choose to be unhappy, but it’s much easier to be sad…

What does that mean?

Well, sadly our messed up American Special Education and Adult Services system as mentioned numerous of times, focuses on negatives so of such it’s easier to feel sad than being happy. There are things that make me happy, but I keep it my business. If I ever express any happiness, it can be subject to be questioned by authoritative figures like my mother, my case manager or other related people. And if they show doubt, then you know for sure that I should doubt myself.

Sorry to come off ableist, but I am such a puzzle piece. I don’t understand the reason why it’s so complicated to be “happy”…

The Need to Be Happy

Has anyone watched The Kardashians lately? I watch some reality shows for pure entertainment and to put my life into perspective.
Outside of the sisters the Jenner girls and the Jenner boys, one guy stands out of the bunch lately. That is Robert Kardashian Jr. also known as Rob.
For the last couple seasons (at least) he’s been in a rut. I think last summer it had something to do with his late father and how each one of the kids interaction with him prior to his cancerous death about a decade ago. Rob at the time was about 16 (actually we share the same almost actual birthday – I think he was born March 11? I was the 12…)  and the girls were in their early 20s except for Khloe who is only 2 years older than Rob. That first bout of depression was featured last summer in a 2 part therapy session discussing that specific time with cutaways of him tearing up and crying throughout those episodes.
He was so depressed that same season where he was living with one of the sisters and was sleeping during the day. Totally an emotional wreck you probably thought it was Kim with all this alleged depression.
Now this season of the series Rob’s got another bout of depression. Hes gotten fat. Why am I surprised and shocked, shocked, I ask? It wouldn’t be surprising given his lazy bum demeanor, eating, not exercising (sorry I should rephrase that since I don’t how what hes going thru and I don’t know him) and who knows what else. So now hes depressed about his weight. (I share the same feelings Rob!)
He didn’t go to a family trip to Greece with both the Jenner and Kardashian family. On episode 1 he was planning to go, and actually dragged Brody Jenner to come with them. Brody is kinda like the Rob in the 1st Gen of the Jenner family presently the one of the low self esteem and being forgotten in the bigger family.
Well Brody went – sans Rob. And the 3rd and final episode of the Greece trip will be Sunday night – and I am not a betting man, but I don’t think Rob will show up.
Earlier in the season, Kris Jenner (the mother) was trying to lift Rob’s spirits. (This isn’t the first episode that featured someone trying to help Poor Ol’ Rob – make it a Bakers Dozen – I’ve lost count!) Among the many catchphrases in the theme of Rob’s depression its phrases like “I want him to be happy” or “I want you to follow your heart” or something like “do something that makes you happy.”
I’ll end there with the show and move onto this whole need “to be happy.”
I think there has been an idea floating around for about a generation or so about this need to be happy. Happiness likely comes within. You can choose to be happy, and Rob obviously chose a certain path for quite a while now.
However another argument is that there is something called a “quarter-life crisis” – a smaller degree to the mid life crisis. Some would argue that is making these Milennial types an excuse to not move forward with their life, but  I think there is some validity to that argument too.
I think this goes back to all groups (not just for autistics – but for everyone) of a lot of “mixed messages” that starts in the high school level. According to “experts” the brain now peaks in the mid 20s, as opposed to the teenage years, I beg to differ, but the underlying problem is just how poor communication people are talking to teenage and the young population. You have one side that says “you should do this”  vs. another side “you can do this.” This doesn’t help manners for anyone.
I think people need to realize that the younger population of teenagers and adolescents and then some that when they become the age of being independent they are often confused, therefore causing a depression that can be totally averted.
However, on the flip side of the token, maybe society and as a group of people maybe we need to redefine what is “happiness”, what defines is, how should you be happy, is it a requirement and what do you do if you aren’t “happy,”
I feel the word “Happy” or “Happiness” or “Follow Your Dreams” has hit the cliche level – and whats happening (and its been going on for at least the last 20 years – in the masses) is we are getting people depressed for reasons that might be averted. Its not necessarily self-esteem, or the self-gratification or self-absorbed behavior, I am happy to report that this isn’t has a hot button issue like explained.
Its a systemic issue that needs to be fixed because as a teenager – your mind is very vulnerable. It’s not just growing, its at risk for any damages such as mental junk to go into your brain.
And for the Kardashians? Some of their problems are real, however it is sadly dramatized which I fear that family problems in the real world get dramatized like in the show. That kinda makes me a little on the edge.
However the only suggestion I could give to Rob Kardashian, is to get some help. It doesn’t look good that hes on TV looking the way he has been, that’s for sure.
*

The Pursuit of Happiness

I had a meeting with my support team for my services earlier yesterday. I want to keep such sensitive information private, since I do not want to exploit such special needs services. Part of it is  such a political drama over the last few years. The Great Recession hasn’t helped the manners. However, the New Year is coming, and I am trying to survive a day to day live meanwhile having to deal with more and more accountability and additional people-pleasing. This New Year mentality is starting to become something I’m not looking forward to.

Continue reading