My mother had used the phrase “my mother” or “my mom” or sometimes where I would inadvertently chime in from the dining room she would say “I’m talking to my mother”. I had also unintentionally would trigger her by saying the way she says “my” sounded “possessive”… well… I have something to say about this…
From the producers of The Weekly Zoo, we give you The Purple Pill
For the time of The Zoo in 2021, I had discovered some really strange content from “men’s improvement” YouTubers to some of the most strangest shit from Jordan Peterson.
When The Zoo left in 2022 for about a year, little would I know about Kevin Samuels, Andrew Tate, the Fresh & Fit Podcast, from Just Pearly Things to the Whatever Podcast, from lefties like The Man Enough Podcast, to commentators like Matt Walsh, to Tim Pool, etc., etc.
The biggest challenge is how gender, sex and relationships has been severely politicized. Whole blogs like A Puzzling View was rather tame, that was 10 years ago, Now it’s so pinned against each other – and I suspect the society will never recover
The test date will be sometime in February. We should do a weekly piece up until June when we are scheduled to run out of talking points. That’s hard to believe huh?
Some of my talking points…
Like The Weekly Zoo, the purple pill will have have wacky elements and segments to keep the nearly 50 to 120 minute (at max) episodes flowing.
But before you go, I did a series on this subject just over a year ago for the minifig news operation. This didn’t go well, the 7 part piece was canceled 1/2 way and was fired after the ratings bombed at the station, and I was the fall guy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfsXW-vAP1U
I actually texted to our social worker from the hospice care shortly after Christmas trying to reach out to her to meet with the Bereavement coordinator to get the ball rolling between me and them. They provide support for one year following the death, and as i previously stated, my grandmother had less than 5 days of care on their watch.
So now we’re down to less than 8 months. Shortly after the text message, and before New Years, we received a holiday card from them, specifically with a handwritten login credentials to their portal on the very bottom. If I remember correctly, there was also a letter sent with them offering us to log in. Sadly, I’ll probably have to ask my mother for it if she hadn’t already hoarded it and piled it into a pile of papers of which I am not allowed to see.
According to my mother, she doesn’t ask help for much and she’l tough it out and look like a narcissist with someone looking empty but projecting phony substance.
I don’t want to say much about my family at this point, but I do suspect my grandmother’s pride was abit cocky. DIY is not always the best approach.
This week, my task is to find that login information. If I have to ask my mother, so be it! I have given my mother so many miles of her maladaptive behavior and yeah she lost her mother, well I lost my grammie too! But it doesn’t excuse the matters of borderline-dysregulatia in the most toxic and emotional sense.
I am sorry that my grandmother died, but after yet another subdue Christmas, and instead of celebrating what my grandmother wanted, the old woman preferred to be sad. Both of us have gotten really sick (wether it’s COVID or not it’s unclear) so that level of static uncertainty, of a borderline personality life is more complex than the people I’m dealing with.
To prevent holiday anxiety, my mother has taken the Twelve Days Of Christmas, (meaning when you look at the letter of the word, of, means following December 25th.) Great idea, but can we at least have one year of a Christmas, and even make it somewhat positive of what my grandmother would want? Normalcy is the part to recovery. Granted, I am told repeatedly people grieve in their own ways, and yes, my mother will probably be randomly triggered for the most random reasons, because she lived her live randomly to date. And if I get reflection of her on that, that would be a nice step forward in each other’s lives!
On Wednesday, it marked the 3 month mark of my gram passing, and actually the 3 month mark fell on the same day of the week. I’ll refrain myself from using “13 weeks” as “13” was not her lucky number.
My mother’s first significant boyfriend after my birth used to get antsy on the roads. One of his lines was “are you waiting till Christmas?”
This line still resonates with me 3 decades to the day, in the most literal way.
If you search for “boy mom” on the web.. you’ll find results about a rising trend on TikTok and other Reel-like platforms about a stereotypical mother… that’s also their identity.
Last week, the old woman was in a way teasing about her injuries to her head in her life. What surprised me was “that was before you were born, then after you were born”. I knew about a few of her potential concussions, but not the couple of situations after I was born.
It lead me to think, and I didn’t make any remarks, because in this case if I was the one making the joke, the joke would be on her because she takes everything to heart.
Can traumatic brain injuries or TBI cause personality defects?
I say “defects” because I believe that defects or “disruptions” cause a blockage to a healthy and happy relationship, or cause toxic situations, mixing the fingerprints of inability to empathize, minimize other’s reality, though will play the victim when they aren’t validated, and or have very polarizing emotions one moment, and turn the other moment, and completely black out or pretend it never existed then come off antagonistic.
But either narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder is not learned, it’s made. I am not diagnosing my mother to the world, nor do I settle on either one, but it’s a mix of both. I am also at the stage where I know what I am getting into, and walk away from the situation the reason why I am in my living areas (my bedroom or basement media production room) maybe a tell tale sign maybe I don’t want to be around you.
What still mildly angers me is why, just why the Fraud on Broad Street or other professionals who saw the toxic behaviors that people perceived of me, not realize my mother could be the same? If anything when the folks did hold my mother to account, they felt she was enabling my situational toxic traits, even if I had to live with her and I had to unlearn them…
You can’t involuntary push someone into therapy, or get help, the only thing I suggest, is to radically accept someone who may not be bad person, but a persona that can highly bombastic, but to not personalize the personality. For those individuals they blur them. You can point their behaviors out in a conversation using the dictionary definition without using the words, and obviously don’t expect people to change, something that female SPED professionals clearly never get.
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Just over a couple weeks taking a 2 night stay in Keene, my grandmother started to develop her issues that resulted her untimely death in late September. For more than 1/2 of August, she had stayed at the nearby hospital. The 2nd stay was for 2 straight weeks going into September. Then not only 4 days later, she got brought via ambulance, then was basically on her death bed, unbegntost to us, then about a week later (would’ve been a day earlier but due to the alleged storm that was Hurricane Lee, the homebound trip via a private ambulance, and little would I know that it would be three days later she’d be gone.
This narrative is not about my grandmother, but I am not also trying to come off as a victim or whining. This story is what happens when you have no one else to fall on, but then you become someone else’s “rock”, being the default manly figure, to a guy that’s already been depleted. Hence, why I refer this to being “on reserves”.
My mother has not handled Gram’s death with grace all the time, but what can you expect? Sure it’s going to be a roller coaster, but sadly my mother’s pre-existing, but undiagnosed style of behavior is becoming really apparent in the months that has followed.
The Appearance of a Potentially Deadly Outburst
My mother comes off as short-circuiting, will become extremely emotionally, on the fly basically and earlier this week, I was scared for my life, afraid of becoming a Thanksgiving accident statistic as she was on a road rage of someone allegedly cutting her off, when she was in a mood of a rage of what happened in late summer to her mother. She was stubbornly believing she as in the right as she had the right of way; what really scared me was when she was tailgating, and wasn’t mitigating any potential rear-end collision – no she was so enraged that the other driver didn’t respect her right of way (even when she was in her tunnelvision)
She goes on the highway and literally follows the car, she ordered me to take down the license plate number, and when she decided the car was going towards Nashua, she took the exit past home and tried to instigate reax from the driver as she was staring at them, as if they did something so wrong.