Tag Archives: Hopeless Autistic

The Lack of a Girlfriend

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Most thirtysomethings have someone in their lives, whether it’s a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend/girlfriend boyfriend/boyfriend or even a husband or wife. Well I am not anywhere close to boyfriend material for any girl (at least around my area.) For February, I don’t just feel like a hopeless autistic, but a hopeless romantic too.

The idea of a girlfriend would make socializing easier because you have that “arm candy” or someone to hold hands and commit public sexual harassment laws and kiss in public and touch each other near private parts at professional gatherings. Not that I encourage this, but this is what “everyone else” is doing. Why be the only single person? I don’t feel “special”…

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The “Smart” Factor

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Discussing intelligence with me unlike the vast other autistics that can speak for themselves, is a touchy subject. I personally don’t think its anyone’s business to know what their IQ score is or what they know about or don’t know about.

I try to remain modest and keep my feet on the ground as I try to reach for the stars. Some won’t take the late Casey Kasem’s advice and go the polar opposite. I do not want to say I “play dumb” but I have to be honest: because if I am so good, am I too good to fail? I might me smart enough for college but may not be emotionally competent or have the stamina and drive due to meeting demands and having to explain my autism to every professor in the beginning of every class so I god forbid don’t be plastered as a fool.

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Corrupt Match.com Made this Hopeless Autistic a Hopeless Romantic Too!

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I wrote on my other site last fall when Match.com was spun off by IAC/InterActive Corp (a company with a very bad PR record.) I explain how much Match charges and how I haven’t found a special someone, and how many dating sites to the point the DOJ should break up the company.

More on this by clicking here.

The Top 5 Heartbreaking Songs

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As dictated by Corporate America, in mid January it’s now the season for Valentine’s Day, despite less than a month away. I’d thought I’d share my Top 5 hearbreaking songs, since listening to the easy-music station in my preteen years, was more than likely an oman of my hopeless romance I’d encounter well past adulthood.

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2016: The Year of Lessons

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I’ve learned a lot in 2015. And now hello 2016, and let me tell you what I’ve learned from last year to not repeat again this year.

  • Only speak for yourself. Do NOT advocate  for others unless you know the full situation (take that ASAN!)
  • If law enforcement ever approaches you, don’t challenge them under email protected by public records laws, or be subjected to a false police report where police and town personnel will abuse you and get away with it!
  • Never use foils, slide shows or PowerPoints. Management could care less.
  • Management could care less about your past. Try to get counseling instead.
  • But wait! What do you do if there is no mental health assistance? You just have to wing it!
  • Don’t ever look up to anybody. Male or female at all! God that Anna Nalick that I saw in Ltown who was on my playlist 10 years ago looks like an Opoid user. (I won’t go further bashing a C-list celeb in 2016.) Being inspired by tech star Luria Petrucci, screw her. I bet she has skeletons in her closet too. (I mentioned Luria in one of the first posts after watching an alleged motivational  subject hosted by the said woman.)
  • Happiness never exists for borderline autistics like I am.
  • The only reason why I’m stuck is not that I’m scared, I was taught to be scared.
  • Despite all the “support” you get that they are looking out for you; it’s all smoke in the mirrors.
  • Also if you’re known to break rules, maybe win the Powerball so you can hire a lawyer for the rest of your life.
  • One last thing: I’ll be giving my mother legal custody of all pictures and school work as a child. (oh yeah and artwork too.) I do not want to own documents, pictures of happiness from prior to year 2010. I want to purge all the memories, virtually from childhood to young adult. My life was altered at 12. I want to be clear anything from South School should be purged forever! I ran into a 5th grade teacher in Manchester last year, but I really didn’t know who the hell she was until I had to think. If my mother doesn’t want to be the custodian of vital and historic documentation; then I’ll put all my Londonderry history underneath the backyard where my fish Tangie died in the summer of 2014. It has to go to hell sooner than later!

Oh and some of these advice doesn’t come from me originally. I’ve been around to be around my autistic (or Dev Disabled) peers and they are just as risk-on to life like how I will become.

2015 was an important year to learn how NOT to be inspired, how NOT to follow other people, how NOT to be like “others” and how NOT to be yourself. I’ve learned don’t do anything, just give up. That’s my plan for 2016.

As 2016 gets older, I will give you blunt advice on how to not take any risks and just avoid community altogether because as experts in this state will say “the real world” is harsh.

*hoping my brain will explode once and for all*

Memo to God

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If a god does exist, supposedly “he” wouldn’t read blogs (or this memo for that matter.)

Dear God (if there is one to exist)

Why did you create me?

If you were the creator, then why did you put me here? I don’t feel that I serve a purpose. I don’t know why other than I’m a gift of my mother that I’m here. Why did you put me here despite you knowing my family would likely fall apart? Why give me a fractured family? Other than my mother, who else am I supposed to be here for? What am I supposed to do? What have I done wrong? I feel like I’ve done “bad” things. I can never figure out the moral compass, it was defective, just like my brain, I feel partially brain dead.

What did I do so wrong to be punished be treated like a resident third world hellhole?

Am I really the devil’s child? I’m I really a product of something “good”?

I felt like I did so many wrongs in the world, and I’m sorry to let you down, if you really exist. I can understand why I don’t have any friends of romantic relationships because I am a defective human being that also did too many wrongs instead of “right”.

Excuse me while I refuse to pray as that didn’t seem to go anywhere recently.

The 2016 Wish List

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For me to not be a hopeless autistic, I would love the following

  • Better accountability to the professional class once and for all – Anyone who works with special needs, or is in management or acts as “leader” has traditionally gotten away with ether abuse, slander/libel, Federal corruption, etc.
  • Redefining “Self Advocacy” Self advocacy today is an abusive practice, by enabling the professional class and not empowering the individual. People should be driving off the George Washington Bridge to get what they want. No parent or even individuals should have to go so far to get what they need.
  • Educating the Public on the Welfare system The welfare system is a very broad spectrum of service delivery, and sadly everyone wants to get rid of Medicaid, but the unintended consequences would hurt people with various disabilities to get through their day to day lives. I’ve had a right wing nut job of a school secretary tell me that I have more of an Asperger’s case and accused me for “smooching with the government.” I’m very bright till I go into a classroom and be threatened to death by some inexpierenced professor…
  • Changing and Modifying the adult systems. Hey guess what? Your kids’ autism won’t go away when they turn 21, so stop believing you can fully “cure” your kids autism. Also what will happen when your kid graduates on their birthday? Have you ever thought of “falling off the cliff”? What if you live in Manchester, that notorious area agency will give you a 100% promise that you may never get any services unless you cry and whine your bleedy hearts by that point give you at least some minimal supports.
  • Educate the educators I’ve talked about misinformation since the inception of this site, and sadly the “experts” often inappropriately teach people things to make them scared to even work with them. Where has that gone? Nowhere!

That’s all I ask for this year.

 

Teresa Bolick’s Dishonest Autism Agenda

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Over the last few months, I’ve brought up a reoccurring character named “Doctor” in name only Teresa Bolick, of Westford, Massachusetts and why she is causing the autism crisis in my state. She is a very odd individual that spends a lot of time in both the very racist and ablest state in Massachusetts and the state of New Hampshire, which over the last several years has started to follow Massachusetts’ lead of their ablest agenda (and yes it’s more than just the JRC as many advocates are in a hissy about.)

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Lack of Personal Autism “Acceptance”

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It has come to my attention and I might have come to my senses for the next year (assuming no help arrives to assist me) that I may very well be having problems accepting my autism more than anything else. This same disorder that has been with me virtually since birth.

It could very well that I may have been in denial not just in the middle to high school years, but even in my first ten years as being an adult, despite denying it and trying to act mature by moving forward.  I know I’ve been diagnosed with my autism over the years, but I’ve yet to understand and grasp what makes me who I am and why I can’t move forward. I don’t know what’s going on in my mind. I feel my brain is dead in some parts.

I might as well not expect so much and really get used to being treated like a child afterall. Perhaps I do need to be reminded and talk to like a child. Perhaps I have put my ego too high and I was too “rosey”.  Maybe I am not as “normal” as I think I was. I figured I was tone deaf and didn’t understand the difference between “it’s not your autism” vs. something that is autistic.

All I want to say is just like all the other low/mod functioning types of the annoying and generic “I’m sorry” when they feel bad about something they did “wrong.” I may as well be on this functioning level and I’ve been denying this all along.

These senses may give me a path; but regardless I don’t see much happening for the better. I still feel like a hopeless autistic.

The Path to Never Independence

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I look back at my second decade of life and I’ve realized that the longer I’ve stayed with my mother, the more f*****d myself up with my future. I’ve lived with my mother, instead of living on my own (and thanks to Medicaid’s perverted system on “community based support waivers”) there is really no such thing as Section 8 anymore. I’m unable to afford to live in this state thanks to very high taxes spent for those goddamned children and going to rich Caucasian towns like Londonderry, Dover, or someplace like that. Can I go to a group home? Well, group homes are politically incorrect, because EVERY AUTISTIC in the world must be accepted by the community according to these rosey agendas made by special interest groups by rich caucasians and never rich or poor African Americans (whose the real racists?)

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