Category Archives: 2020HopelessAutisticRemains

Published on WordPress.com from late 2015 to part of 2017. Anger or resentment in such tone is for historical purposes only. It has been incorporated into clickfo.me platform on July 2021. I actually saw the writing on the wall that the developmentally delayed system was in failure within five years. While I wished my prediction was wrong, it actually did happen, and COVID19 was a big distraction. Some of the resentment fired up in the #LondonderryNHExposed podcast series in late ’20, early ’21

Evil Special Interest Groups – Autistic Self Advocates

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2017 Update: If you notice the language I used in 2016, maybe similar to mid 2017 where I attacked the anti-vaxxers’ anger towards this said group. While I used language as they were making autism a hip thing; the other misperception of any high functioning autistic is they are hip, cool, progressive and live in ritzy areas. That’s not a fair accusation from many of the anti autism groups. I don’t know if I quoted anti vaxxers or the anti vaxxers quoted me, but since then their social media presense talks about all other disabilities, employment and race. Where’s the autism?

They aren’t speaking for me…

Happy New Year, hoping people enjoyed the holiday weekend (if that holiday still exists.)

I don’t like special interest groups. I don’t care if its right wing, left wing, middle wing, whatever. There are two types of special interest groups, one is radical and the other one is for true minorities. Sadly there is so many of the former that exists that are often compared to as “racial arsonists” like a Jessie Jackson, or an Al Sharpton. Sure there is racism, but overall I’d say 98% of America is not as “racist” as those two men want to dismiss the stereotypical old white men agenda.

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A Little Disclaimer

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Originally Posted on The Hopeless Autistic as a page on January 3rd, 2016 at 5:58 pm ET

The views and opinions expressed on this site comes from an individual of an autistic disorder (PDD-NOS) of an Independent registered political affiliation with no influence of any corporation, non for profit or even government entities. If any conflicts of interest, it will be disclosed under State and Federal laws. I do not offer any legal, medical or psychological advice. I do not intend to steer any individual or family member any which direction. I stride to be fair and objective in any opinion piece.

My family was aware of this site in 2016; I don’t ask for their support for my work; as well as any other affiliated persons or organizations. These opinions are my own and my own only. Anyone who I know who follows this site should assume that I have my own opinions and yeah I post it to the world, that doesn’t mean they are endorsing or encouraging. My work is my matter is my business. It enables my empowerment of my own voice.

To quote the local TV stations (in Boston that is) infamous line at the end of many vintage public affairs programs. Any views or opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer, WordPress.com, any special interest groups, corporations, or any other government or non government agency.

Lack of Personal Autism “Acceptance”

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It has come to my attention and I might have come to my senses for the next year (assuming no help arrives to assist me) that I may very well be having problems accepting my autism more than anything else. This same disorder that has been with me virtually since birth.

It could very well that I may have been in denial not just in the middle to high school years, but even in my first ten years as being an adult, despite denying it and trying to act mature by moving forward.  I know I’ve been diagnosed with my autism over the years, but I’ve yet to understand and grasp what makes me who I am and why I can’t move forward. I don’t know what’s going on in my mind. I feel my brain is dead in some parts.

I might as well not expect so much and really get used to being treated like a child afterall. Perhaps I do need to be reminded and talk to like a child. Perhaps I have put my ego too high and I was too “rosey”.  Maybe I am not as “normal” as I think I was. I figured I was tone deaf and didn’t understand the difference between “it’s not your autism” vs. something that is autistic.

All I want to say is just like all the other low/mod functioning types of the annoying and generic “I’m sorry” when they feel bad about something they did “wrong.” I may as well be on this functioning level and I’ve been denying this all along.

These senses may give me a path; but regardless I don’t see much happening for the better. I still feel like a hopeless autistic.

The Path to Never Independence

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I look back at my second decade of life and I’ve realized that the longer I’ve stayed with my mother, the more f*****d myself up with my future. I’ve lived with my mother, instead of living on my own (and thanks to Medicaid’s perverted system on “community based support waivers”) there is really no such thing as Section 8 anymore. I’m unable to afford to live in this state thanks to very high taxes spent for those goddamned children and going to rich Caucasian towns like Londonderry, Dover, or someplace like that. Can I go to a group home? Well, group homes are politically incorrect, because EVERY AUTISTIC in the world must be accepted by the community according to these rosey agendas made by special interest groups by rich caucasians and never rich or poor African Americans (whose the real racists?)

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TBT: NYE 2010

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Today is a Throwback Thursday narrative to this day 5 years ago. I moved out of town for the first time in my life, after moving to three neighborhoods as a kid. Londonderry had already abandoned me before I could abandon them. The area agency was no help, and I would switch over to a new area agency that I get day services through with Medicaid Waiver funding* and a new client directed services, which was so Greek, I’m not used to directing my own goals and pathways.

*I use this terminology to educate the public about the two types of Medicaid, and this isn’t the health insurance part, this type of Medicaid is not well known.

I moved to my new community with really nothing on my back other than my family DSC_0002and belongings. I remember watching the crystal ball drop – the similar one shown from my visit to Manhattan in April (just to know, the ball sticks around after New Years – just another reminder that any day in the year can be a New Year.) Meanwhile as the ball started to descend down, I noticed that I would start streaming tears. All the emotions of the previous two years after high school graduation, the pain and suffering a decade before, was getting released and tried to let it all go.

I broke down.

I don’t know who I’ll be watching tonight, (I haven’t watched Dick Clark since his stroke and passing, the Fox News Channel used to be my go to once they got rid of two good news anchors, Bill Hemmer and Megyn Kelly; and Carson Daily is still on overnights, do people even watch him?)

I don’t know what my emotions will be, but I am hoping that 2016 brings some hope. I didn’t anticipate how 2015 would be written. That’s what life is. You don’t know what crap will come and hit you. All you can do is stand tall and be strong and try to get through a day without falling into pieces. Many days this past year, I just couldn’t get up and some weeks (only a few) where I called in and didn’t show up to my program.

What I can say, is I believe there is hope, just you need to at times dig harder, and work more to find it. Perhaps to HFAs that’s “inspiration porn” but you know, maybe having some inspiration will help all autistics – in my state – of course.

I’m planning tomorrow to start with a clean slate, and just not anticipate or predict what happens; just get through a day and deal with it as it happens.

Happy New Year to all and to all a good night.

Update: The Back Story to Acquiring my Avaya PBX, part two

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This is the second part of a 2 part story

By March 9th (nearly a week and half after he offered the system) the package made its way from Montana to New Hampshire. The next challenge? Trying to be home on the day it would arrive and then try to get (what was clearly over 80 pounds) into the house at least in one piece for it to work. And do this so the UPS Guy doesn’t trip and fall on the ice. That would be tragic for both the Brown guy and the PBX. Well it came on time at my normal UPS Ground route for my neighborhood (and stalking the package with my iPhone with its tracking number.)

How did I get this bad boy in the house?

Thankfully the 9th had milder weather as opposed to a cold February (where only one day was above freezing.) I was making some dollars on that day just clearing out the ice on the walkway. Sliding on the ice was already dicey (my grandmother is not getting any younger) and obviously this had to be cleared out so the PBX could be in one piece. I lugged it from the deck somewhat dragged it gently to the other deck steps because we have a pool and the steps to the deck are built for security/insurance purposes. Then, brought it down to the doghouse (the access point to the basement which is underground. However some have bulkheads – if say the basement/ground is exposed.  Some Cape houses are exposed full 3 stories, ours is underground. In this entryway, we have a full height entry space as I descend down a dozen steps.)  Without railings I got it situated in the laundry room. Thankfully, this individual named Jason had put these foot long circuit boards in actual Avaya boxes that typically are packaged with, and the administrative software was stuck on tape to the PBX unit itself.

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Linked In Sez I’m too Talented…

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Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 4.32.48 PM ET

And you wonder why I just sputter, because I “have unique combination of skills” says the pesky top page where it badgers users to give more information to use against you in targeted ads, etc.

Well I used to say “I’m open minded in a legally narrow minded world.” This maybe the reason why I’m “stuck” but yet to confirm.