Tag Archives: 2022: #OutspokenAutistic

“I’d Rather Have 10 Meaningful Friends Than…”

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20 to 25 acquaintances that claim to “always be there”.

I have roughly 36 contacts, they are all professional. I lied there’s 1 or 2 that’s it! To establish LTRs for friends in my life has been a challenge, and even though it’s always been perceived as my fault, there’s nuances that show the other side is worse than a stereotypical autistic.In fact I’ve had more “narc” friends than I have with people who were truly empathic. By the way “narc” that rhymes with “mark” just the diff is there’s an “N” that is short for narcissists.

These are the people I didn’t ask to to be in my life, but these are the groups of people I have no choice being around. I don’t get why narcs are drawn to us. Are we easy bait?

Acquaintances are not as flexible as what friends are. Acquaintances lack the ability to be casssh, and “Facebook-friends” are just no different, worse they are sucking your vulernabilities you post on the platform; as a feedback loop for their own empowerment, that you’re not allowed to have. “Friends” can have deeper meaning, because apparently “autistics can’t have nice things“, the running issue is I can’t seem to get a lucky break in the last decade.

All this shit that people like to preach about the “true meaning” of friends, I’ll say this, I will refuse to listen to advice ever again to any “expert” who thinks they know everything about my condition. For this kind of stuff to continue to circulate with thousands of more narcs continuing to rape the system; the only way to recover is to identify who you’re looking for and that’s the only way to get out.

People may say Laconia is closed, but Laconia still to this day exists in a more worse fashion, through being isolated, clients being routinely gaslit, and being forced to be seen and not heard in the so-called “community“. And all I can say is, just look at the hundreds of post from the last decade and not deny that what I say can be at least 49% true…No. Well GTFO this page then!

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How Does One Rebuild Their Lives?

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Being in my media production business, I know a thing or two about rebuilding.

Building edit suites and creative/promotional workspace is one thing; rebuilding your life from the ground up? That’s a challenge I am struggling in life.

I do not know specifically how retain the idea of keeping toxic people out. I did start to implement what many would consider boundaries, but that was too little too late; it’s hard to find good help and most often the people who come to help may have good intentions but the outcomes can be far from the dream.

One of the things I have done was to do-away of specific interests, such as shutting down The Museum of Telephony, I felt that had to go. The second is start to find people who have describable personalities. That alone can cut down that list.

I do not want someone to come into my space and tell me what I am doing “wrong”. It’s not to say I may do something that’s not proper. I want to have my safe-space too, we all do, hell even Donald Trump has safe spaces (CPAC, TPUSA, etc.) so it’s not just the left.

I don’t know how much more I can attempt to rebuild and have it go away just like what happened 2 years ago. Everything was stable until the pandemic. Most of the pandemic concerns have dwindled, but everything is back to normal for the IDD system, and the ongoing destruction that we ourselves have to clean up. Or shouldn’t I? Maybe I was the enabler.

If you have any ideas, please let me know in the comments.

Conservatives Are More Scarier to Me Than Ever Before

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I do not like the word “conservative”. It’s not the fiscally responsible and accountable individuals anymore. It’s more about It’s-All-About-My-Personal-Beliefs-As-Everyone-Else’s-Reality. It’s about congregating certain beliefs and shutting out the ones they do not want to hear. They will call out “the left” for doing something offensive but they live in pile of horsecrap and not realize they are just as bad too. They do not like to be informed, they want to be affirmed.

The more richer some are, the more out of touch they are. (I know mostly lefties are rich…but.) But even middle class (or the shrinking middle class) are more snootier than other groups I can think of.

This weekend, the Turning Point USA, the conservative groups for the youth in colleges and universities, with a logo of an arrow going at a 90° angle curving the left to go back to then bow to the right to move forward had their gathering in Tampa. This place where many Gen Zers were in attendance. Most of their parents would be Generation X, and their grandparents being Silents, this is the buttoned up, suck it up (oh wait this is the generation of “Karens”), allaboutism to “the economy”.

Generation Z claims to be more open to other civil rights groups, but in the last ten years to see the Tea Party become the T Party with the way President Trump did a hostile takeover to that fringe group, I don’t feel very trusted with conservative people. It’s as bad as they recognize your existence, but deny your voice. You’re supposed to shut up and suck it up. I had seen some b-roill on cable news of these under 25 year olds that are probably not the ultra-rich children living on trust funds, but seem to be interested in typical, caucasian people that are perfect strong muscular alpha males because in the Stone Age, it was expected for attractions and procreations to have a strong-man figure.

Today, so many act like p*ssies and  handle responsibility. In reality conservatives are no longer looking out for people like me. Governors Ronald Regan and John H. Suunnu  had de-institutionalized  the developmentally delayed system for political points. There was no long term strategy .

I love to be around people who are open to other’s ideas and aren’t going to talk down to me if I do not agree to their world view. Is there anyone rational anymore?

Afterthoughts From the Last Day Program (The Narcissists)

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On March 13th, 2020, on my full day of my 33 years of existence at the time, would be my last scheduled day at my day program, because of the COVID pandemic. I do not know my official last day was on the books. My mother being, nice-gal had paid the program for March, even when we did not receive a monthly progress note. My preferred DSP’s last day would also be on Friday the 13th.

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Feminism in The 603

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The opinions are coming from a 1/2 Caucasian guy that is an outsider looking in

Feminism and the women’s rights movement is a bit different than in other places. Except for the few blue towns, of which one could recognize the women’s rights movement (abortion, the rights to vote, etc.) the rest of the state was kinda “silent” and not take an extreme position; but I have noticed that feminism in my state is radically different.

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Unrequited Love…

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Also known as, “limerence”, “infatuations” or just “having-a-crush”

They say one way relationships is better than none. I still agree to that. Even if it’s unhealthy. Even if it’s self-destructive (hell since that is an autistic trait…I shouldn’t be surprised!) Even if it makes you feel worse. At least you had the audacity to show some respect and the other was a jerk about it. Well into my thirties, and still feeling like I am in the world of A Puzzling View – but of course I apparently made choices – and so I must take responsibility of being single forever.

But don’t let a boy stop from staring through a glass of his pretty girl whose as plastic as a mannequin literally admiring her inner beauty as her outside is just as attractive. She’s so heartless she won’t even notice someone is staring at her with admiration!

“Only Knew the Surface” – The Millennial Mantra Re: to ASD

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In that same DM a few weeks before, I had asked that individual who works in Boston media if they knew about ASD prior to (because that individual has a child with that condition.) The individual replied that they “knew the surface”. That individual is just over two years older than I.

It was then that phrase would be baked into my memory as long as I can remember. That’s what so many people know, just the surface, the big picture, the antidotes. Not the intimate one on one in-expierences they had seen as a passerby. This isn’t just a Londonderry thing, the freckin’ South Coast of Massachusetts isn’t exempt. Over one hundred million Millennial  aged people still despite April 2022 statistics of 1 in 44 cases these drunken mini-me Boomers still do not understand the complexities.

They are more open to LGBTQ and darker skin people (nothing wrong with that), just anyone who acts different (since ASD is “invisible”), is basically just an also-ran human being. That’s how I have felt like since 1999, and significantly in the 2008, and even worse in 2019… it’s a one way street of interactivity. Everyone judged me as that resource room kid, or worse they thought I’d be a meteorologist – even when I can’t stand mother f-ckers like Jim Can-Cantore, whose last work before TWC, as an intern was owned by Bob Kraft (WNEV-TV.)

I really had lousy “friends” too bad I can’t find any new ones in the midst of another wave of this pandemic.

Will there be a day of “Our Time”?

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The answer is a hard NO.

If it takes centuries or decade for civil rights 50 to 100 years on average; well then by that logic the next in line after women’s rights (now in doubt thanks to SCOTUS); people with physical handicaps will probably have “their time”. While some frown upon saying there shouldn’t be this “time” for say the dark skin population, or women or LGBTQ, etc. I will say this, “autism” is continuously being ignored; it hasn’t gotten past the basic awareness or tolerance, so for all those #ActuallyAutistic types who just bully typical people into compliance of accepting their autism, don’t hold your breath.

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The Perceived A-s Kissing – NOT OK for PDD-NOS

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Despite the antiquated “label”, I once had a high school friend, the one I had put in the 2012 Tell All for A Puzzling View who I identified as “2021”, it was part of an old handle of his AIM account. That individual has the Asperger’s side of the spectrum. He was a typical-male type. He even admitted this was his ol SOP, but when I was in last contact more than a decade ago, I noticed he would get along to get along and do anything to fit in.

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Documentary: From South School to Melanie – You’re Surprised?

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“I want my mother to burry me” – Steven

The family of Melanie commissioned an interview to do a Frontline-style raw interview that was used for over an hour of my backstory of my life, with a more sharper lens than prior before. That school in Londonderry, New Hampshire was the reason why my mother is who she is and how I am not who I am today. Thanks alot Room 112 or whatever the hell it was at the time.