2017 Update: I don’t hold a grudge like I used to, but I do feel that the development was hindered by various types of people. 

At the same time, in early 2016 and verbalized in 2017, that I had higher social growth in elementary school in district. The moment I went into the Middle School, all hell broke loose. By this point I was out of districted and lost all social circles. In fact I even recalled the second year of fifth grade from about January to June, I felt I had the most growth in my life. At 12 years old that’s almost equivalent to 2 years. But I was in the fear where I couldn’t tell anyone to validate this because the consultant-slash-thearpist would say shit like “they were friends to you but not to them”.

So I remained silent till earlier this year. Some of the more affluent types caused the worst damage. Will I ever be friends to ANY of them again? I think the reader knows that answer.

Unlike other millennials or peers of my age, I basically lived in a single neighborhood for my entire life till I was twenty-three.  I was born in Derry, raised in Londonderry (the small dot to the right). The first dwelling was my grandparent’s house. I moved for the first time when I was about five, then back for a few months after I turned six, the moved again to another part of town (in the same elementary school region) for another three years till my grandmother got divorced and we moved back. From 1996 to near the end of 2010, I lived in the same dwelling. By that point of most typical twenty-three year olds, they probably have moved about a dozen times if you count their college dorm as a form of living setup.

I was raised to believe that Londonderry was this small town, a typical working class community that once was the bedrock of this region. Well, even the Town themselves considered Londonderry as a “rural lifestyle” but many of the people would fake it. I wouldn’t even bet people know what “RFD” referred to, and we even had an RFD stop number, which I won’t publish on this site. The most lower class citizens were driven out over the last couple of decades. Some of my classmates (of the similar social strata) don’t even live in town, at least more than many years ago based on Facebook conversations.*

* 2017 Update: I did reach out to them since in a desperate attempt to socially connect when I had a facebook profile for personal uses over the last year.

Specific to this site, if it weren’t for my Londonderry residence, I might not be able to have the ability to write this 1,600 word narrative. Some other days I wished I never went to LEEP and would’ve been better off being a non verbal autistic and would’ve had the system spoil me because afterall the system is a paradise for non verbals. And I don’t want to dismiss any non verbals ether, because afterall I was once one (for a few years…)

However the dirty little secret to “Ltown” is that it’s really an upper middle class town despite the constant “rural lifestyle” talking point. Such families were poor enough to buy necessities, but rich enough to buy materialistic items.

I grew up in the time where I was out of districted, most of the local millenials would actually not be exposed to this group – my group, just like how their Baby Boomer parents were not exposed to the generation that were at the Laconia State School, for an example. While the Londonderry School District had new management by the turn of the Century, the pervasive problem was to address the out of district students. To be direct, they failed miserably. Around the Class of 2005, (or SY 04-05) about 64 students were at out of district facilities.

I’ve admitted previously of flip flopping staying out or returning and to then decide to remain out of district would be the right one. I started to come to my senses of how “young punks” would perceive me, and sadly it had negative connotations. There really isn’t a valid defense to the district, because they spent so much time trying to build in house programs, and they now use it as selling points today.

Management never thought like a uniformed worker, I would start to bleed to death, and they refused aid. The only critical or core “services” they provided was my third mother, psychologist since three, Teresa Bolick, from Westford, Mass. who had an office in Nashua. Her personal snobbish attitudes were mirrored to Londonderry because both towns are no different, no less. If you wonder why I write negative narratives, this specific experiences would cause a scar for life.

2017 Update; Bolick passed away, which immediately began a slow healing process.

As this narrative evolves to how I would become a hopeless autistic was between the inept management at the time, and the inept psychologist and the very political IEP team. The best interest at the time was not my mother or me, but a collective agenda by the professional class. “Safeguards for your child’s education” paper that came with the signed IEP, forget it, what a flipping joke! The DRCNH would’ve denied me even in those days!

I started to feel being bullied outside the typical norms – the textbook definition. I was taught by many professionals since being a teenager to respect other social stratas and be a good example – and be a leader basically. Well being a “nice guy” wasted my entire twenties. Again I sure hope the devil has given Ms. Bolick the hell she gave to me landing back to her. About a decade ago, I would start to see how I should not respect people in other social strata. Many of those peers were promiscuous, will leave it at that.

As explained above, the district had an apparent liberal agenda. Great! But what about the people outside the SAU property line? The town has a very conservative constituents, only a few very liberal. Both cancel out each other so nearly 98% of 24,000 residents (at the time in 2000, where this narrative takes place) would have low tolerance to autistics and/or developmentally disabled people. Some of the most extreme, tight to the right politicians in this fine state – live in Londonderry.

Narcissism is very common in that community, people who use other people to bolster their “social capital” (see how Bolick’s agenda can work against autistics? Link is dead like the lady in the video.) I was used on Facebook by a number of ex-“friends”. They knew who I was, but they only wanted me to boost their friend count. Hey, there is a thing called Linked In, if you want to advance your social count without referring them as “Friends”, you know?

As mentioned, many I knew possessed a “too cool” attitude for the 603 area code. A vast majority of people I went to school with in elementary school, don’t live in the state anymore, or have zero intentions to come back (according to Facebook activity circa a few years ago) at least closer to their “hometown” they use to advance themselves. Meanwhile these young punk 30 year olds will never pay back their early education, as the school district is inching towards a $70 million dollar budget and the town government has historically been skimpy and when I moved had depreciated town services, thanks to voting for the interests of the children…which I thought was illegal in election laws…

The trauma of living in Caucasian privilege, Upper Crust of New Hampshire was what formed me into massive insecurities such as “I’m not good enough” or “I shouldn’t be friends with someone who has so much education” or because I didn’t have enough socialization, that I shouldn’t be around people who have better socialization. Oh wait, where are all the twenty/thirtysomethings to socialize with who aren’t married?  Right, they abandoned the town while the lower class and hopeless autistic like I was; just limped over to the larger dot on the left of the map a few years ago. 

Living in Ltown created it’s own real-world of FOMO between the on screen view and out of window, plain sight view.

I’ve made mistakes in my life. One of the regrets, was remembering where I came from, avoiding materialism, having pride and patriotism of my town I once grew up and kept my humble self. Maybe that’s why I started to toss out old pictures or threw some year books into long term storage and going to burn the most painful documentations of my early years of life. And just like any other “Ltowner” just fake the idea I had a life prior to twenty-three.

*

This was originally posted on December 22nd 2015 as a page on The Hopeless Autistic at 9:40 pm ET. This text may not be reflective of the views presently

I feel in the name of transparency, I like to disclose my views so limit attacks against me.

POLITICS:

I’ve leaned to the right, but not to the right of the Grumpy Old Party. I do not like how the “moonbats” raped the Democrat party. I’ve voted Republican in all Primary and General Elections due to the Moonbats trying to destroy the US as a whole. If there were saner Democrats, I’d vote for them. I’ve voted for Maggie Hassan not because she’s a Democrat, but understands my constituency as she herself has a child with developmental disorders

In New Hampshire, the GOP is a very tight to the right “conservative” wing of the party. This type of conservatism I’ve never supported. I do believe that a capitalistic society helps all, in a socialized world, domestic anger goes on the rise. Do I think parts of America has racism? Yes. Does part of America have ableism? Yes. Is that the entire country’s problems? No.

AUTISM POLITICS

I was non verbal till I was about 4. Not to long after I acquired a strong vocabulary. I wasn’t the brightest bulb on the Christmas Tree. I was pretty slower than my peers in my early childhood to teenage years. I’m probably much behind from my peers. I’ve had rocky relationships ranging from infatuations to professionals. I’ve “followed the rules to ‘the social road'” but yet it made me go further backwards. I often cliques with lower functioning autistics when I was younger. I never came across other PDDNOS types on my level till I was about 13. I never was comfortable about discussing my autism since the MSM didn’t even cover this subject even into the new Century. I carry a card only for safety and security purposes. Autism doesn’t define me 24x7x365, but 8×5 somedays 12×7 (on busy weeks.)

I felt I related to not only adults, but parents, mature grown ups, people who had a lot of experience. NT to me refers to Microsoft’s enterprise operating systems offerings (or crappy PBX systems from North of the Border – ahem Nortel, ahem Northern Telecom) not a condition of being “normal.” I avoid using Three Letter Abbreviations or TLAs unless its known to a majority of people. Code words tend to lead to shenanigans.  I don’t use contradicting words such as #actuallyautistic because that would appear to be negative like I’m a recovering victim of identity theft.

People have often gave me positive feedback for being a good writer. Some parents even told me in emails that I could give them insight to their nonverbal child. At the same time I’ve been accused for writing long winded posts that offend them because I have diminished their child’s “severe autism”.

I’ve learned the hard way I cannot speak to any individual, if they can’t speak for themselves, it’s very hard to know what’s in one’s mind if you aren’t in there ether. Pardon if that comes off as “ableist.”

Above is my summary of my views, the details of above is outlined below.

– – –

AUTISM SPEAKS:

I never have supported Autism Speaks since about 2007, once I realized there was skeletons in the closet. A year prior a former Boston broadcast journalist (well known at the once well-watched PIX 11 in Manhattan in recent years) produced a film called Autism Every Day. This short film not using the disciplines of ENG-type journalism (taping on Betacam, “assemble edits”, and fitting it for time constraints.) The laid-back film discipline enabled them to allow disturbing things to be let out, such as a whiney Manhattanite contemplating – on the record – driving off the George Washington Bridge with her autistic daughter in the car, trying to commit double-murder suicide the biggest thoroughfare in the East Coast. While stating something you can’t do easily on that said throughfare, the autistic daughter runs in the camera frame. If this was a 180 second package, this clip would’ve been cut out, the mother would’ve been reported to authorities and then some.

Another film production that was intended for a PSA was entitled I am Autism. This non tape based production allowed yet another overkill of time comparing ASD to AIDS or some other childhood disease less common. To be fair, I wasn’t offended, if they had cut only 90 seconds out. There are ways to sell bloody hearts, but Autism Speaks just didn’t know good tape editing to make it compelling, but not insult the self-advocates, or the autistics themselves.

Autism Speaks has been supported by at least 3 out of the 4 Big TV networks, Disney’s ABC, ESPN and their 10 owned-and-operated stations have appeared to be distant, while the other three, NBC, CBS and Fox have given this organization free ad time in lieu of PSAs. Worse is the conflict of interest between the founder of Autism Speaks and NBC Universal, Bob Wright. Wright, the former chairman of NBCU has had a very warm and cozy relationship with his former employer and NBCU owned properties has conveniently carried out their propaganda. Autism Speaks’ PSAs – ahem – ad insertions have circulated on the Comcast cable systems that in turn owns NBCU. Many news talent from CNBC will wear blue puzzle pieces in April, since Wright afterall has strong ties to CNBC, where he was the founder of that business network and many talent since the 1989 launch  -that knew Wright the longest has an emotional connection.

His wife, Suzanne, who was an angry woman against autism, lead a crusade, comparing autism to a disease, even making the war on Autism on the same status as the war in Iraq. If anything, she gave a voice to the severely autistics improperly, unfairly and even unethically.  Her anger was the motivation toward’s AS’ constant funding for “research” annually while Autism Speaks made profits year over year. She died of a very tragic disease, pancreatic cancer. Bob Wright’s direction moved from any anti autism advocacy to anti pancreatic cancer. In my opinion, any cancer is a bitch. Autism is not, and autism is not cancer. Comparing it the way the two have is disgusting.

This is a more complex (i.e. more relatable) to people who many not be familiar to the Autism Speaks’ propaganda. HFAs and self-advocates will generalize most of AS’ to the point of being dumbed down. No reference to Watkins or even Wright has been exposed to the same level your humble writer. Jim Watkins and his wife worked in major markets before settling in New York. If you saw his face on TV stations in Boston, Memphis, Philladelphia (and some other markets I might be forgetting) that same man was behind Autism Every Day as a producer.

Autism Speaks Relevant to New Hampshire

Many individuals or organizations are tied to this barbaric organization in the Granite State, my former school in Brentwood was once listed in the Autism Speaks directory as a resource. Seacoast Learning Collaborative was known for aggressive  “restraint and seclusion” even myself was bothered by during and after attending. The New Hampshire Council on Autism Spectrum Disorders even has endorsed Autism Speaks last April encouraging people to dress in blue. The individual who I spoke to who is affiliated said to me directly, it was “easier” for people to understand.

Because I am no longer school age, I have no idea how the special education system is, but I can tell you as a hopeless autistic adult, there is hardly any services – or worse “direct support professionals” as the state has a shortage. Nationwide is similar. If any organization is potentially scaring away such DSPs, then maybe Autism Speaks can be blamed.

People also don’t realize that only 4% goes to families or individuals and/or both despite massive cuts to the Medicaid, the Medicaid Waivers and the conversion to “Managed Care” for both Medicaid systems in New Hampshire. So Republicans think “well let charity take care of bloody hearts” – well Autism Speaks won’t be there.

And anyone who I know is associated, donated, or even supported, I’ve cut my ties. This is the only way to move on without forcing others without being abusive to change their views.

NATIONAL AUTISM ASSOCIATION

The NAA is Autism Speaks’ other half when it comes to propaganda. NAA originally believed vaccines caused the autism boom in the late 1990s – they have since reverted. NAA also has claimed nearly 49% of autistics run away, but there is no hard facts. The organization also sells “Red Boxes” to give to families as a resource when a kid runs away, etc. Relevant to the 603 area code? Some organizations and people have endorsed this organization as well.

AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK

You think autistics who are high functioning can speak for themselves? Well ASAN doesn’t hide their leftist agenda (mixing in other minority causes) that well. Sadly politics has distorted the autism message. They continuously attack their competition instead of showing off what progress they have done for all except for employment, which is on their top priority.

I don’t question their autism, I do question and perceive that many don’t keep their “feet on your ground while reaching for the stars.” (I bet 98 to 99% of these moonbats/or Portlandia types have any clue who Casey Kasem was.) They are very upity, often using buzzwords, jargon, and other politically correct words and often for a non intellectual that didn’t grow up in say university towns like Boston, D.C., etc. As much as I try to “coexist” with my mother as an adult autistic whose also his own guardian, but the ASAN gives the finger to the parents, and assume that all autistics can speak for themselves – unlike Autism Speaks who doesn’t speak for any autistics or allow autistics to speak for them at all.  If there was a theme song of “EVERYTHING IS AWE-SOMMM-EEE” then this would fit the ASAN’s narrative. They assume all of America has been familiar to autism, that we need to move to acceptance instead. Some people to this day are not aware.

So how can you have acceptance if you don’t have awareness?

Also they hate the puzzle piece.  Their response: “I’m a human not a puzzle piece” Did they ever look up the history of the puzzle ribbon? I agree with Autism Speaks’ logo as some perceive it as a single gender, demographic, ability (look at the color and single piece.) Well sadly, it appears that politics trumps reality. Is autism a tragic burden? Some families may think or act so. Is that right? No, but you cannot change an adult’s mind. That’s the fact.

Most “self advocates” are Social Justice Warriors or SJWs, possibly because their differences made them hard to fit into the mainstream SJWs. This or “special snowflakes” came to the lexicon after the 2016 Presidential Election.

They also pray to our Presidant Barack Obama who within days after getting elected made a very off color remark to all of the developmental disability community on Jay Leno’s show but apparently if you have a (D) to your name, you get forgiven. If say a RINO like Bush said that…you know the answer.

If there is a lord, thank them for not infiltrating my state.

ASAN Relevant to New Hampshire

At least two or more members or senior staff had some residency in the 603 area code. The irony is they are no different than any other millennial SJW who have left NH and never planning on returning. Perhaps its the GOP culture that made them run away, but I think they are wimps for not trying to fight with them for their cause. They’d rather be around other autistics who hate normal people and hate conservatives and be angry on social media.

AGE OF AUTISM

This long time “daily newspaper of the Autism epidemic” is a classic example of the Internet cults that causes people to believe in lies and bash everything that is in the mainstream, media, medicine, governance, etc. They are anti-vaccinaton types, have while they have whined about their causes being denied, they often deny people on the autism spectrum to challenge their views. If you are for a cure, you can speak; if you believe in any diversity, or celebrate the idea of accepting the condition, then you’re denied from posting

At the same time, this unhealthy level of packets infiltrating your computer has also lead to the idea that autism is a clearly a medical condition, that high functioning autism is not autism, and vaccine induced “injuries” causes autism. These people have apparently graduated from the University of “Google”. Because these “angry mumma bloggers” are the motherly types who are desperate for answers, they are cheating on their spouses on their WiFi enabled laptops or tablets that emit radioactive waves that messed up their very same child whose got an autistic condition. I find the comments on A.O.A. to be highly amusing because someone who isn’t a telecom professional per se can tell you that Bluetooth does not transmit high levels of electricity in long distances like cellular telecommunications.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BXTRhR8AMZV/?taken-by=hopelessautistic

They also obsess about the hatred to ASAN and the leaders. While this site has had an aggressive stance against their movement, I have not spent every post like how the angry mob does on a daily basis on their comments page. You can choose to follow these neuro diverse a-holes or not, just like how those people can choose to ignore Autism Speaks and kick their ass instead of bashing them every day.

The autism narrative has been divided into tribes, one is pro autism, one is anti autism; the other is anti autism with a medical bias mixed with junk science. Nether three of these tribes (that is the “echo chambers”) is not going to help any autistic to propel forward because of the extreme devicive nature these tribes congregate and segregate.

I will say that some of the anger and hate from the original carnation of this site was possibly exposure to the angry-mom sites like NAA and AOA.